who else

2009-07-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

new lyrics
but so tired to type em out
cos i gotta piece em together

realised even if he has the most outstanding personality
no personality can ever measure up to Jesus
i wonder why i'm being put through this
i hope God tells me something once i'm over it
maybe He wants (very much) to have my heart all over again
and i'm just so unwilling to give it to Him

i'm eating an apple for recess
i will get back on this diet plan and shed those kilos once and for all
i questioned my motives about slimming down
and i have come to a conclusion
to prove to everyone that
i just need to do the natural and God will do the supernatural
cos dieting makes my moods fluctuate like mad
but He will make it easy peasy like ABC
even ABC is tougher

i'm happy i've got nice people around me
God will you not let gossip strike the tongues and hearts of my friends or even me
it will blacken our hearts
like molten slag in chemistry
we'll be so hard and so numb that we could be bitumen
and we could make roads
and when cars run over us
we won't feel the pain
but just that this pain is called Guilt
hello Guilt

Lord let me speak truth in every situation i face
let me not laugh or make sick jokes
give me a spirit of Restraint and a spirit of joy
that even in my pain and hurt i will know where comfort is found
C for comfort
C is in the shape of a cradle
See?
safe safe cradle that rocks me gently and that will not fall
because it is Your arms that i am held in;
Your love that i am embraced by,
help me to trust in You
that you will soothe and calm my raging seas and unpredictable tempers
help me be gentle and quiet
quiet but loud in a way that shows people
who I am in You

and friend
if i haven't been the Christian you wanted to see
i am sorry, truly i am, but i'm flawmore
not flaw-less
forgive me, just know that i am trying
if i have sinned against you will you forgive me
i beg for it, i long for your forgiveness
i am true and genuine
i pray you will grant me your love and your peace
and Lord, let them not judge me entirely
but to judge You for what You've done for us
all bad situations are not sent by You
You let them happen because they test our faith and You know how much we can bear
God we've made it this far
keep me and my friends strong

help my friends to taste then see you for who You are
to taste
to have that one taste
to open their hearts
to be vulnerable towards Your love
because once they have tasted
before seeing You for who You are
they will not take their eyes away from You
keep me and my friends strong
keep me and my dad and mom and my family strong

christianity is not a religion
because we don't work for grace to befall us
we don't labour in vain to be loved by the God who split the red seas
who struck down many great kings
who touched Michael Jackson's heart
because "at the end of the day, even the King of Pop must bow down to the King of Kings"
i love You, my mighty mighty Jesus
i am weak but You avenge the humble who have been judged unjustly
i am weak Jesus but You are
mighty.

in my pain
and in Your name i pray
Amen
(which means,
let it come true)

2009-07-28T21:21:00.001+08:00

today i cried very softly
in class
nobody knew and it felt good

so many things are uncertain now
so much so that i really want to just throw my Dad's reluctance aside
and move on with the decisions and dreams that i want to come true, to take place

Cheryl told me
when God closes a door,
He opens up another

i trust You
i'll close my eyes and trust it, just trust it

sigh.
why is it you you you.
but then again
i have no regrets

wish i walked the whole earth with you

new song coming up on those words i thought of in the shower
the shower is a happy place
fuck i can't stop crying
i just can't stop

2009-07-26T08:00:00.005+08:00

Blogger is not working properly. Which means I can't type in the big box like I used to and I can't change font or colour. And no pictures either ):

Yesterday was hilarious/fun/a teeny bit productive.
I don't want to go into detail - I can't go into detail because my brain isn't warmed up yet (lie).

Winsent is an OMG guy. I never knew he could talk about people in such an innocent but bloody funny way.
And Nida, being Nida, just the way I love her.
And Shawn, being insightful and someone to talk to as always, just the way I know he'll remain.

I bet Chuan Yong was secretly scared of the movie we watched, The Haunting in Connecticut. (ZAI!)
Cheng Ern disappeared before we could say bye! Aw.
Anyway, the movie was really disturbing. It wasn't THAT scary but keeping eyelids in a box with the lashes still intact is .. YEUCK and o.O at the same time.
Winsent and I both thought the eyelids were ginseng slices HAHAHA
I thought the main actor looked alot like Chuck Bass. It wasn't Ed Westwick acting though.
Nida told me to look at two guys diagonally behind from where we were sitting and they were covering their eyes and ears and looking really, really bewildered.
We obviously couldn't stop laughing.
And somebody spilled sprite on me when it was halfway through the emotional part.

Then we went to Bugis and studied at Mcdonald's.
I know I understood half of that Set and Notation topic and I drew the lion's eye on my artwork. So I did work.
Shawn and Winsent started laughing at my work because it looked weird and out of proportion - which I meant it to be!
Then after dinner we were at Starbucks and they said I could look like a cavewoman if I wanted to.
(With what? An entire strip of hair under my armpits like Year One?!)
And Nida said I look Middle Eastern-ish and they tried to make me feel better with all sorts of sweet nothings that did not captivate me at all!
I don't want to look like a cavewoman!
Cavewomen are ugly - OH YES THEY ARE :O

We left and when I complained about not liking bathing so late in the night, Shawn and Winsent said I don't bathe.
And they did some Malay accent shit like "cill cill" which means "chill" and when I started talking to them again, they were like "got ask you meh?" kinda thing.
I obviously laughed.

In the taxi -oh my- they tried to make me tell a secret so they started telling each other empty secrets and were like "Eh funny right? Funny right? Eh Liling, we are sharing secrets leh! See la, you don't wanna share! So funny right?!" Giggle giggle giggle.
Then I told Shawn stuff while walking to the bus stop before rushing home to a very grumpy Dad.

Jealousy is like poison - just that it penetrates your veins and bloodstream, not mine.

A pigeon has been walking on the grey roof opposite my view for 10 minutes now. Now it's on the brown roof. It's a pretty pigeon and there's another brown girlie pigeon at the top. Perhaps they're flirting.

2009-07-22T18:43:00.002+08:00

I was just thinking that if God transcends all time, He probably knows the constant and source of randomness too.

2009-07-18T22:22:00.010+08:00

I wonder if Ryang laughed at this.

It's All Your Fault - P!nk

I'd conjure up the thought of being gone
But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid

Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind (yeah)

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair

Da da dada da dada da
Da dadadadadada da dadadadadada

I'm trying to figure out what else to say (what else could I say?)
To make you turn around and come back this way
(Would you just come back this way)
I feel like we could be really awesome together
So make up your mind cause it's now or never (oh)

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair

I would never pull the trigger
But I've cried wolf a thousand times
I wish you could
Feel as bad as I do
I have lost my mind

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold (I hold) my breath (my breath)
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air (running out of air)
And it's not fair

(Oh yeah
It's all your fault)

I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not (it's not) fair

2009-07-16T11:43:00.008+08:00

If I were to get a tattoo,
I'd get one inspired by T&S,

Today I'm not in school because apparently, I'm suffering from ethmoid sinusitis.
It's very bad. I have migranes when I'm disturbed slightly.
And these headaches are like volcano eruptions.
My whole head gets hot but not feverish - see, reader, you don't even get me :O
I feel like I'm hanging from a thin piece of wire half the time.
It's as if I'm flying (which is good) but the throbbing pain SUCKS.
It's really painful.
I feel like crying again.
So this is where I think of happy soup stuff.

Last night Johnna made a hilarious sound when she was sleeping.
It was like "PUFFOOO" then a whimpering sound (like that of a dog).
"PUFFOOO" made me laugh the most. It sounded like a fart, just that it was verbal.
I had to smother my laughter under my blanket at 5 in the morning in case I wake her up.
She just came into my room and I told her about it and I fell onto the floor laughing like a maniac.
She said she was dreaming last night and she kept running but she lost her way.
Oh well. I didn't care what she dreamt about. I still can't stop laughing.

I LOVE TEGAN & SARA
They designed their own shoes on Macbeth.com
Me likey :)

TODAY I AM HAPPY
BECAUSE I AM NOT IN SCHOOL
SCHOOL HAS THIS WHOLE H1N1 VIRUS FLYING AROUND
AND I AM VERY DISTURBED BY THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE IN CLASS
I AM ALSO VERY SAD AND ANGRY WITH MY MATH TEACHER
AS WELL AS MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER
BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM
EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF THE CLASS
SCREAMING "GO AWAY IF YOU ARE SICK"
I HOPE THEY FEEL WHAT I FEEL SOON
I FEEL AWESOME TO BE AT HOME UNDER THE LOVING CARE
OF A. MY DAD B. MY MAID C. MY ROOM D. SOMETIMES MY MUM E. MY GUITAR

zoom zoom!

2009-07-13T18:21:00.004+08:00

The distance from me to where you'd be

I am
On my bed
Listening to Set The Fire To The Third Bar
Again

I came home
Took off my shoes and socks
Greeted a guest
And went into my room
Put down my bag
Sauntered into the bathroom
Took my uniform off
Took a good look at my coldsore
Stepped in
Doused my heavy heart and head with water
Slapped on loads of creamy soap
Gripped the sides of my arms
Looked at the dustbin
And wondered
If these feelings should be thrown away
Or if you had thrown these feelings away first
I suppose so
Since you were the one who told me to
Advance
Move on

Then slowly I started to cry
I said no
But they just kept gushing down
And with my sore, dry voice
I sang
'Like dreaming Pink wildfire
The last place we left off..'
And I washed up
Left my thoughts in there
Because you probably stopped halfway along this journey
Journey to nowhere
But at least its nowhere, isn't it?
So I
Looked at the selection of Brit Pop on iTunes
And thought to myself
How could I ever let you influence me in such a massive, disgusting way

So you can give me back my bloody heart
Before I turn bloopy
My freaking heart damn it.

So you can either look at me.
Or turn away from my eyes for the million-th time
I hate the way you make me feel
And guess what the best part is...
It's not your fault
It's mine.

2009-07-11T15:34:00.008+08:00

I wonder if it'll be too late once we take this break.
Too late to catch up with each other because I'm starting to run so fast.
And we might even lose that chemistry.
Because all I know is that. It's freaking hard to talk to someone whom you've made the conscious choice to disconnect from.
Sure, it's awhile, awhile. But the whole idea still comes from the word 'disconnect'.
:( :( :(

I am starting to learn that a worship leader cannot continue the secret sin I used to commit.
And that my sin is also a sin that some of my friends struggle with.
So how hard can it get. How hard is it for God to wash me clean and to spray on a new coat of paint? (turquoise is pretty:)
I've been underestimating Him. But nothing is impossible for Him.
And nothing is impossible being NOTHING, even if you think you're inadequate or unworthy of His love and when you run away.. He still finds you in that secret place.
The place where you break down and start digging the desert sand for where you left your heart behind before you got distracted - because all you are now is just an entire heap of flesh without His Spirit.
It's there that the Spirit holds you throughout the night.
It's always nice imagining the Spirit encircling you (in a warm comforting way not the misty ghostly kinda scene) when you're in a corner, your fingers pressed against the wall gasping for breath.
Or maybe you show your desperation in another way, I don't know.
Yeah you may say, how dramatic can you get - well life's dramatic and the moment it hits you real hard, you can't gauge the drama that you're gonna stir up within or around you.

I'm not afraid of the drama I'm going to use to react to what the world brings.
Because emotions, whether heightened or not, are still emotions.
They represent what you're feeling and the more you keep them inside, they're just gonna bubble bubble overflow bubble some more and POP or KABOOOOM!!!
But there's one emotion I will not boast of.
That is rage.
Ah and I won't write long posts that include loads of vocabulary that portray how much misery I'm feeling at that moment in time.
Because there are loads of people out there in the world whose pain is worse than mine.
So what's a blog for really.
I should be journalling.
And I will be thankful that I am recovering from a fever instead of dengue or some weirdo flu.
Oh and I think people should really get over the fact that I have a fever and that when I'm near you, you shouldn't keep screaming in my face that OH YOU'RE SICK YOU'RE SICK because when you do that, I seriously feel like breaking every bloody bone in your body. But first it shall be your jaw.

This is not meant to be funny but I hope I can make you nice people laugh in my upcoming posts :)

zoom zoom

2009-07-06T18:23:00.002+08:00

I am now treated unfairly and judged unjustly
but i will trust in the Lord and put my hope in Him
to prove you wrong and for Him to prove me to be your bloody definition of 'likeable'

Forgiveness is banging on my door
begging me to let it come in
into my heart
this life support-ish muscle
but how can it, it's not even pumping independently now
because your heart and your feelings towards me
DO NOT ALLIGN TO MINE

Dear Forgiveness, you can come in
but i will not say a word or take the initiative
because Forgiveness, letting you in
is all i can stretch myself to do
which is ENOUGH.

2009-07-02T21:32:00.003+08:00

Justin says:
ass=drums
Ling remembers the God of Israel whose light broke through her night! says:
guys=leprechauns
Justin says:
liling=shithole with sugar and cherry fried rice\

Then last night Boon was like
"Oh do set one of TROPICAL tests"
Ahahahaha

2009-07-01T20:18:00.003+08:00

i think these are the kinda moods that i hate
the kinds when you make a wish over your eyebrow hair instead of your eyelash
the kinds when you have soap in your eye but you don't rinse it with water in the bathroom
it stings, but you lean your head against the wall crying anyway
it's like when everyone thinks you're stupid
but then again, they don't mean it
then i think to myself, is it my period that's creeping up to attack my uterus again?
"i think so," says the womb, "i'm starting to feel heavy again"
"yes you dimwit, i gave the signal already!" says the pus-filled pimple on your face
you shrug and stare at yourself in the mirror, naked, and you aren't even shocked at how a foreign germ bubble and your sensory organ just communicated with each other
and you actually understand 'body' language
hahahaaa

kel's back in school
and so is nida
lynette and i had fun during chemistry
i seriously like physics practicals
art was very productive....... not.

okay so if you ask me how art thou (thee)
i think i'm moody and tired and i have essays to finish
but i can't blame nobody for it,
"because you were supposed to finish it during the holidays!"
now i don't feel like listening to anything
but Opera.
not phantom of the opera kind, no, but like the ones you watch in the Opera House in Paris
then the taxi drives you back to the hotel to get changed for dinner
past the eiffel tower that has glittering lights all over at 7.00 sharp in the evening
and past the black painted pole in the tunnel that Princess Diana's car crashed into eons ago
i'm smelling the rose scent of a soap bar i bought from Zagreb, Croatia
i really want to get away right now.
yeah maybe my family can afford it and all, but i shall work hard just like you guys,
i won't rely on any financial assistance until i prove to myself i can be as financially stable as to travel the world with a partner.

i will emphasize on one point.
do not. use my lingo.
for whoever tries to, don't.
you learn new words from reading books/ newspapers.
not ling's blog.

"The World's Best Job" starts today
Ben Southall is some lucky shit
so is my friend Kanika too~
nicole tee is the best studying table buddy i could ever have
and God knew just who to put me with
how come You know me so well sia...aa@@@...

no love-in today

2009-06-28T13:24:00.001+08:00

Lord,
If ever I should fall,
May I fall at your feet,
And never away from You.

2009-06-25T11:32:00.003+08:00

dear friends,

i just realised that the most annoying thing about doing english compositions on microsoft word is the cursor. it keeps waiting. it's blinking in my head now. it's making my blood boil.

your friend,
lll

2009-06-24T15:14:00.006+08:00

Revisiting Penang is amazing, as usual.
I just get a teeny bit bored because
1. I don't have my friends there
2. I can't use my laptop there
3. I can't use my phone there either
4. I don't actually know my way around, only to Gurney Park and Plaza
5. Sometimes I don't know political/business-ish Hokkien terms (so I obviously keep quiet and sit in a corner and listen to my iPod hahaha)

Tao Huay is officially my favourite food.
Give me that and I'll marry you. But I'm straight so you have to be a boy.
Apparently there has been a H1N1 case and it's from a Sec One kiddo from some Monday class in TLL.
I think staying elsewhere on some weird island and being under quarantine is severe torture.
If that happened to me, I'd at least expect my Dad or Mum to bring me books to read and demand for internet access.
See, now I'm typing and talking like a geek.

I just watched Inkheart on pirated DVD.
I really like Dustfinger (Paul Bettany). Because he's hot and British and he once made a living with the guitar.
I wrote a song yesterday morning with 2 random tabs.
(fingers are spreaded out on 3rd and 5th fret).
I felt like crying but I didn't - THANK GOD I DIDN'T.
Over a piece of crap like him.

Into Your Heart
You are to me
Imperfect but I like you
You are to me
Annoying but I want you around
It's like I obviously know
You love my company
And I know that you're just waitin..
To pull me in
Pull me innn
Pull me in..
Pull! me innnn

Into your heart
And lips
T-t-t-touch
Into your heart lips
Heart
Love
Lips

I've walked across this emotional bridge, burned it..
And burned it well.

2009-06-18T14:55:00.004+08:00

ohkay!
hey babes!
i'm leavin for penang today!
i'm okay about it
but somehow on the other hand i'm not so okay
ah char and belle know why
make sure you guys be good
i will miss having people who know me inside out near me
sigh it's fine i'm only like 2 cities away

my fingers are sore again
from barring and shit
wish i could bring my sunburst along too
but daddy says it could get damaged on the plane
if i see a guitar in penang
i'm so getting it
i'll get you guys accessories, as always
or bubble gum and sneak it in singapore
shh maybe the police are on my case
chewing gum sucks they make your jaws sore
so don't count on it

above all
i want to cry
'lady in waiting' should do the trick.

love ya angel char belle cara lime jo lawrence kel nicole! love you pretty people always :)
ps: these kinda posts are for me because i packed my journal inside my luggage and i'm obviously lazy
i don't have anywhere else to pour out my feelings to
my wall's being very quiet today EH I AM NOT MENTAL
i'll try to come online when i'm there at my uncle's house
i hope i meet a new friend or two there
i hope i write a new song and when i come back
belle and lime can help me build it
love you guys so deeply
i guess these few days will be family-ish to the max
and i don't mind because i really miss everyone that i haven't been in contact with
Lord be with me, let your joy keep me and guard my heart always
i love You, Lord cos everytime i drift
and when i come back,
i always always always always always
find.
You.
there.
waiting.

2009-06-16T22:12:00.003+08:00

Oh Gravity! says:
oh. and ps. that was my last movie. and so tomorrow.. i'm going to.. rot.
Oh Gravity! says:
CELEBRATE MY COMING HOUR
Oh Gravity! says:
FOR I AM GOING TO DIE TOMORROW.
Oh Gravity! says:
ling. before i go. theres something i need to tell you.
Oh Gravity! says:
*tragic music plays in the background
LING LIKES PUGS TOO says:
omg
Oh Gravity! says:
*violins start playing, and my eyes start to water.
LING LIKES PUGS TOO says:
*takes hankie out and sniffs*
Oh Gravity! says:
ling..
LING LIKES PUGS TOO says:
oh goodness
LING LIKES PUGS TOO says:
yes belle.. im here
Oh Gravity! says:
I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HECK PUGS ARE
Oh Gravity! says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LING LIKES PUGS TOO says:
ITS A BLOODY SPECIES OF DOG LA HAHA
Oh Gravity! says:
oh.
Oh Gravity! says:
RIGHT
Oh Gravity! says:
I.. UHH
Oh Gravity! says:
SO KNEW THAT
Oh Gravity! says:
YEAHHHHHHHHH

EH BELLE
WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
ANGEL IM SO HAPPY TODAY
GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS' PAST IS SOOOO
HAHAHAHAHAHA
"i think i'm gonna call my brother now"
TODAY WAS SO KEWWWWWWWWWWWL
ok now people think i don't have a bloody life
aiya you all
eat shit
CHICKS OVER DICKS

Angellll omgosh you're super precious to me too :)
Now, now don't get flattered! But YES YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE :)
I feel really cool around you too, I don't have to care about what you think and our jokes are like..
The best inside jokes in the world. They so are.
And I agree - TO THE MAX - that I can talk to you about ANYTHING in the whole world too!
From bikini waxing to guys to a million things about God too :)
You make me smile, always, and my burdens are all lifted from my shoulders everytime I spend a minute or two with you!
No matter if it's me and you laughing on the phone, spending the whole day together or those special nights at Serene Centre and Holland V- I cherish every single moment.
Hmm I just hope my kids don't turn out to look like tortoises.
Hahahaaaa :) :) :)
YOU ROCK BESTIE

2009-06-16T11:05:00.003+08:00

last night /
crazy thoughts were bolting through my mind
tactlessly flinging themselves on the walls of my brain
and heart
and i'm just disappointed
i feel gay for being fat
for being too loud, even
i know there's someone out there for me
and i know i just have to wait
but it's not wrong to be impatient, or is it?
i'm on the edge of turning les
i just wish i had someone who loves me back
it's so funny right,
you never thought liling would feel this way huh
like some teenager syndrome
it's disgusting, i know it is
but guys i'm not afraid of telling you how shitty i feel
or how desperate i appear to be right now..
but i love you guys for understanding how i feel

i'm so stupid to submit myself to someone who was just playing around with me
to even do shit for him
i just wish he saw me the way you guys do...
but i broke it, didn't i
everything. last night.
sorry was all he could say.
my happy soup
has turned cold.

go ahead laugh if you want to.
i think i have compulsive typing syndrome
i really should stop.right.here.
bye

2009-06-15T19:05:00.003+08:00

A little something for every single one of you:

Char - You're simply amazing. You spur me on to love all my friends, no matter how much they stretch your heart. You make time for them and you strive to build relationships that last and.. you've never felt that a friend should be discarded because God always has a reason for putting him/her in our lives. You've been there for me through it all, and you understood my heart and I'll always love you for acknowledging how weird everything felt for me during the start of camp.. You're someone I'll always want to be accountable for my actions to and you fulfilled your promise - you told me when I was starting to get bitchy. I want to keep you as my best friend forever and ever. You let me see Jesus in you, Char. The way he strives to love every person that crosses our paths in life and I'm freaking glad I'm in yours. To have your friendship is really.. like having gold. I felt like I was on top of the world when I saw you laugh and smile genuinely after everything subsided at camp.. It was awesome, I'm serious, to know that God had brought us out of the desert and He had filled our hearts with such joy, and it really shone through you :) When we were having that talk in the room with our youth leaders, I saw you laughing and it was really.. heartwarming. I couldn't ask for more and that night I thanked God that you felt happy all over again! Char, we've gone through so much together and we'll go through more in years to come! Pssst! I really want to have more heart-to-heart talks with you and I'm always an SMS away okie :) Lots of love harmaine cong! :)

Cara - When I said I didn't care about our friendship anymore, the Spirit said "NO YOU DO, YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT." And its true. When I hugged you that very afternoon crying and telling you I didn't mean anything I said, it was true. The very last night of camp when you asked if I hated you, it just broke my heart because I knew deep down I didn't. I guess I didn't know you for who you were because I haven't really seen who you are. But after camp, you got yourself back again. (yes it's another vibe) The feeling of seeing you being who you once were, laughing like you really mean it is AMAZING okay. I'm gonna be here for you and I promise I won't shut you out again. I promise!!! It's not worth shutting you out because somehow you understand me in a way that I never thought you did. Don't let that person bring you down and trust that all of us will be here - and we won't let you crumble. When I heard from Char that you said church was like a haven for you, it really touched me. Because that's how much you appreciate every single one of us, even me. I won't take advantage of the fact that you need me to backfire against you because Rah, I realised I need you+all six of us too. I don't care about being needy anymore - we're all pieces of each other and I must tell you this because that person who has brought you down is just like us: Human! Nothing higher and nothing greater. I love you loads Cara, for loving and forgiving me for everything I've said and done. 'eh fatteh wanna go home?' hahaha yes i wanna go home hahahaaa

Mirabelle - Aih! "inserts heyhey2 emoticon" Hey Belle. I felt your prayer on the very last night and I know that you don't mean to look at me the way I think you do. I understand that sometimes you just don't know what you're feeling. It's just a whole load of mixed emotions I guess Belle. I know how tired you get, just like every single one of us. But don't give up this race, not just yet. It's not our time to :) You understand me too and it's awesome how our craziness is so compatible. You represent the bubbly side of me Belle and you'll always be a part of me - I don't ever want to lose it. We were supposed to talk things out during camp and we did, through that prayer we had on the last night. I'll always be here and I'm just really sorry if I get a little moody and insensitive sometimes. I promise I won't use my period as an excuse to reject you if you really need me and I'll be patient when you feel this way too. Love you Belle :) I swear over mac&cheese.

Joseph - You are. So, so selfless, Jo. So, so selfless. You kept trying to drill facts and truths into my head that very night at camp even if I was in such stubborn denial. You're so awesome, Jo. I love you loads man. I can't ever forget the way you were trying so hard to be the mediator. And you're not useless, Jo. You never will be. You're such a precious friend and brother-in-Christ to me and you are like Char, Belle, Cara, Lawrence and Lime to me - you're my cornerstone. You build me up. When I was at my weakest, there you were with Char and Lime. There you were. And that's all that really matters. I appreciate you for the reason that you like Char - because you're sensitive. I don't know how to put all this that I feel about our friendship in words but I'll say, it's so, so worth building. You're a porn model foreva :)

Daniel - It's so funny calling you by name, Lime-y. That night when you laid your hand on me while I was praying and struggling to speak... I'll never forget it. Just having you there with me told me that it was okay to cry, and that you accepted whatever I was going to tell God. Having you there with me reading the Bible at 5 in the morning.. woah. I guess your physical limit was stretched but you told me that you weren't tired (ok maybe you really weren't) but you should've been sleeping then and just having that half an hour with such a giving friend like you was priceless. Thanks for doing little things for me, always offering to help and for being funny and random.. really.. for just being you. Whatever, being girly is cool okay Lime. Anyway you're gonna grow to be a man of Him, Lime, you're so going to. I still hate salty miso soup hahaha

Lawrence - Just watching you worship is amazing. You're in such a state of surrender that motivates to question myself about the motives of why I worship and what I'm living for. Lawrence I treasure you as a brother-in-Christ, I really do, I meant what I said on the hotel phone even if I sounded 'act-cute-ish'. Ahahah and you're always being honest and true; you're not afraid of expressing how you feel and not afraid of telling others how beautiful they really are. You're amazing, Lawrence. I just pray that God will continue using your entire family to do great works for His Kingdom. I really do hope to grow closer to you as time passes too, Lawr. The way Char is so tightly knitted to you, I don't want to be a loose end either. Love you punkie :)

Gabriel - OMG I can't get over your German accent. It's freaking hilarious :) It's awesome having you around Gabriel. Somehow you're someone whom I can open up to and I feel really comfortable around you. Keep that fire burning for God, Gab, stay hungry for more and more of Him. God has put you in our lives as a blessing and a reminder that we should learn to accept everyone for who they are. And who cares - just wear your cowboy hat if you wanna. Because it's only you :)

This took me a long time guysss.
And I mean every single word I say.
BFF!!!

2009-06-14T17:15:00.014+08:00

hey reader
if you're jealous,
well.
i can't help it?!
zakiii
i know you are jealous
hee hee hee

you see today's a sunday / we went out b'cos i planned a sushi buffet thingy on friday / belle couldn't go and she was missed dearly / it was supposed to be one lime and charahbelling / but instead we had gaychan, one lime and charahling / it was mighty fun and the waiter looked like azriel (haha) / we kept eating even if it was really little for all 5 of us / gaychan ate like 6 plates of fried tofu / lime laughed and looked as if he was crying / char was so hyped up for dessert that she asked about it around 7 times / cara was making funny noises and joke of the day is / "EH FATTEH WANNA GO HOME?!" / that's all b'cos i told her i dreamt of JQ being my driver / then cara said that during sunday school and i laughed so hard / i slapped her boob and she laughed and patted it / and our sunday school teacher was kinda freaked out / so anyway we trotted off and / we compared shirts at Marks & Spencer and discussed about who'd wear them / eg. "jo will so wear this shirt" / "this is so chinaman!" / "omg this is so damn poser- LAWRENCE!" / i love the shops at cathay / lime admitted he's girly after i bugged him time and time again / got home and lime didn't look at me when i said bye to him after he got off / i should've told him what belle said at camp / "i will make you into lime juice. like literally."

Camp was.. the bomb. Like a super different 'bomb'.
God put me through something Cara and I thought we'd never get through.
And here we are, as best friends all over again.
Someone said we go through an emotional high at camp and when you come out of it, you're still the same.
Presses 'wrong' button *deeeehhhhh!*
UN-TRUE!!!
I walked through the wilderness for the entire night.
And I loved it - because God meets us in the desert, when everything is parched and dry.
It was when His mercy rain fell down on my land and healed it all over again.
He showed me He loves me through the way I thought God wasn't there with me through it all at 5 in the morning, having three of you lay your hands on me when I was shouting and crying so badly on the bed, feeling Him wrap His arms around me when Lime laid his hands on me and I was struggling to speak as I prayed through tears, being tucked into bed and watching the three of you sit in a line next to me, looking at me through your tired eyes but yet all of you were smiling at me saying "It's okay Ling, just get some sleep"...

(dedications on another post)

2009-06-13T11:56:00.002+08:00

Nineteen
Tegan & sara

I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I laid beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(Call me)
I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
And now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
Flew home,
Back to where we met
Stayed inside
I was so upset
Cooked up a plan,
So good except
I was all alone
You were all I had
Love you
You were all mine
Love me
I was yours right
I was yours right
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)

My favourite duet.
I still love Paramore but these two = newly found love.
The truest lyrics I've ever heard.
So average and so ordinary in a way that proves to be extraordinary.
Anyway, I've made a decision.
I realised how important secrets are to everyone,
And I will not hurt anyone by telling them out.
So I'll 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.
(please let me live)

2009-06-11T20:50:00.006+08:00

I'm back!
and so reluctant to blog about camp!!!!!
BECAUSE I WANT THE PHOTOS TO BE IN THAT POST TOO
Loooove

2009-06-07T19:51:00.005+08:00

Friends have been important in my walk with God this week.
They mirror the way I treat people and the pride I've built up inside.
They help me take a step back to go back to where I fell, and somehow they remind me that God's waiting to pick me up from where I failed.
It's a mystery, really, this grace that He has given me.
Miss Tan called just now and she said that after coming back from Missions in Cambodia, they saved a total of 778 lives.
Amazing, the way God can let little children understand who He wants to be to them and it's so damn awesome that they have accepted Him as Saviour and Lord :)

Jesus I will never know how much You gave up for me,
I'll never know how much sin was upon that cross.
All I know is that I want to stick on that right track,
The narrow and straight road,
Not on the wide and winding path that leads to destruction.
How do You love me, Jesus, how.
You're crazy.
And because You loved me first, I'm gonna be crazy too.
I'm still trying Lord, to love without bearing grudges against anyone.
Lift me up Lord, to shine this little light of mine for Your glory.

Drama chalet was fun. I didn't stayover.
That place was packed like nuts.
I love being with all my drama babes, really. I'm going to miss them like CRAZY next year.
I went out with Belle, Lime, Julia, Abbie and Chinaman today.
Monsters VS Aliens was really, really cool. But I figured they could use way much more animation though :)
I like Insectosaurus. She turns into a butterfly!
Shucks, I'm so tired right now.
Lime and I are gonna watch movies on our laptops in the bus tomorrow!!!!!!!!
Lime has really been there for me today. You so kewl, Lime-o.
I bought gummy bears and 2 packs of Yupi aquarium-themed gummies.
I realised that if I wasn't so conscious of what I eat, I would've bought more to stuff myself with!
I'm feeling really healthy now, with all the salad and vegetables I've been eating daily.
Somehow I'm worrying about the people whom I'll feel offended around at camp.
I'm gonna give that to God, really and start packing very soon.
Soon.

2009-06-06T10:05:00.006+08:00

hi!

MISS LOH LI LING WILL BE AWAY FOR CHURCH CAMP

FROM 8TH JUNE TO THE 11TH

HAVING THE HOLIDAY SHE DOES NOT DESERVE :)

(+JESUS +BESTFRIENDS +LOADS-OF-FOOD/MUSIC)

and ~~homework~~. ew.

I like being different.

I like being the one who gives you shitty problems,
The one who watches you across the street like a hog,
The one who makes you scream the F word all day long.
I like being the one people hate,
The one people don't understand or side with,
The one people talk about and spit upon all day long.
I like being different.
I like making you hurt me.
I love it when you see the conspiracy I see.
I love watching the desperate glint in your eyes flash on and off.
After all, I am pieces of every single one of you out there.
I don't like conforming.
You probably don't but I know you have to; it keeps you alive.
But if you'll just step back to be with me,
You'll know it wasn't meant to be.

I hate fake-os.
This doesn't refer to anyone close to me.
It's just for fakos in general :)
So today I'm going to cut my hair, get blood drawn out at the doctor's Lab, get slippers and head down to Downtown East to chill with my Drama Club.

CAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPCAMPFTW

I can possess your heartbeat with blue electric bolts zig-zaggin' out of my eyes.

2009-06-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

because your love is pure
like sand in my hand
like leaves below my feet
because your love is pure
and all that you know
(all that you seriously know)
is that
you love me

2009-06-01T20:03:00.004+08:00

Chinese Os = shut up please , seriously
I'm scared shitless and worried wartless over it
Go away if you want to ask me about it
And I won't actually talk to you if you tag my board about it
So f off

BY THE WAY
Melina has influenced me to fall in love with red
So now my favourite colour is RA-RA-RED!

After school, I went to.. MEET MADAME MIRABELLé
KAP was all about being 'girls in love' and I honestly love watching movies with Belle at her place
Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 is simply .. AMAZINGGG
I can't get enough of Tibby and KEL, NOW I LOVE ALEXIS BLADEL
She has the most gorgeous, bluest eyes. And she's way more beautiful than Nicole Kidman - she can never compare to how graceful Alexis is!
Back to Tibby - HER.HAIR.IS.MY.NEXT.HAIR.COLOUR
Rich auburn it is babes
I also want to dye my eyebrows into a darker shade and get an eyebrow piercing (hoping this piercing idea might actually happen) after my O Levels
Oh Lime and I both want to work at Eileen's sweet shop :)
Lime is also my good friend and bus buddy for camp
Hey I know you noticed the photograph at the top of this post
Freaking cool ain't it
RED IS OWNAGE

It's funny how I care more about my physical appearance than starting to pee in my pants about Math
Impending doom knocks at my door
And I run up to greet it

JOSEPH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW
I must send Char a message

Luv ♥

2009-05-30T22:16:00.001+08:00

Paper Bag Friend

You are my

Paper bag friend

You make crunching noises

When I squish your head

You make me laugh when you leak

You are just human, just like me

You tear so easily but I’ve got tape

You make mistakes but I can wait

You dry fast enough to make me use you again

Oh my paper bag friend

It’s like

After your blues

After you’ve groaned enough

I can use you again

For my own gain

For my own

Gay gain .. gain gay gain

For my own ..

Game

A very true tune by me

7.12 PM

30 May 2009

2009-05-30T10:06:00.004+08:00

Ok hi.
I went to cell feeling really, really down.
Bought Peanut Butter M&Ms and boarded the bus to church.
I felt like the living dead, felt like I was the root of every problem in the world.
So I got off the bus and walked into the carpark.
'Healer' was playing on my Ipod, the bridge of the song:
"Nothing is impossible for You" (x4)
As I was walking, a thought struck me.
"Nothing is ever impossible for Him, no matter how lowly you think yourself to be, He takes the weakest of people and He builds them into conquerors."
I started to cry. And during worship I let it all go.
Char and Joseph were there for me - just know that I think handkerchiefs are hilarious :)

I.. I belittled what He could do.
He is STRONG ENOUGH, BRAVE ENOUGH, PURE ENOUGH to BREAK ME, POUR ME OUT and to FILL ME UP AGAIN.
Stumbling's all part of the Christian life.
He told me to have faith through it all.
Last night He opened my eyes to what He did for Cara.
He lifted her up because He recognised the spiritual hunger she had for Him - and she's in the worship committee! :)
It showed me that God could use every single person to do mighty works for Him no matter HOW LOWLY they think themselves to be.
It just hit me so hard that I looked at Cara for a long time during cell.
I looked at how much she was crying, how much she felt tired of trying so hard..
Then Diane and the rest of us told her that He didn't forsake her because He was ALREADY working in her life, she just didn't notice it.
Because I guess it's really Grace that let her into Music Ministry, it's where God knows she can grow in.
It wasn't a coincidence, it was already planned out for her.
"Lord, even if we can't hear You or see You, we KNOW Your heart."
Lawrence's prayer spoke right through my spirit, it was filled with so much faith and I said Amen in my heart when he said those very words.
Hanging on is tiring, but God knows how long You can hold for and most importantly, He knows our hearts too. And He rewards.

Mmm I had the weirdest dream last night.
It somehow, replayed itself.
I dreamt of someone unexpected.
Someone who did something to show people she hated me yesterday, with the way she showed her middle fingers bunched up and all..
God told me to forgive that person, because she hasn't seen me completely.
I dreamt that I helped her walk down a steep slope of wet, cold grass.
She was holding onto a large sodden, wooden bar, the ones you get to touch or lean on in countrysides overseas during the beginning of winters.
And I told her to let go and we slid down on our backs, head-first down the little slope.
We rolled over and I said, "Hey that was OK wasn't it?"
And she grinned.
I don't know what she feels about me but all I know is that, I'm ready to forgive whatever negative thoughts she harbours against me.
Then I saw a beautiful blue country house with white leaf prints painted on it.
Absolutely stunning, I tell you. There was a swimming pool with 2 guys in it and I screamed "Heyyy!"
They waved back and grinned. They were gay, methinks.
I also dreamt of girls being tortured and turned into big, human-sized dolls.
I tried to save a friend but somehow she went up the bus that would eventually lead them to the factory.
They were so blinded and I started running for it, down the road.. then I woke up.
I also got kissed on the lips. I don't know who the hell that guy was but yeah it's freaky.

Chinese 'O' Levels are on Monday.
Heh.

2009-05-28T20:40:00.005+08:00

Lasalle College of the Arts

Theatre studies

Bingo :)

2009-05-27T19:53:00.002+08:00

These past few days have been embarrassing and humiliating but deeply humbling.
It showed me that, to love someone for who he/she really is, has no logic.
Love has no logic. It's entirely illogical.
And it's almost like madness, with no reason.
Love is crazy. To love your enemy is crazy.
And crazy is where I must start from.

Walking down the escalator at United Square was poignant.
And it touched my heart.
God told me that when I look to the cross, I see how love isn't just standing in a circle with everyone holding hands saying "yeah I love you I really, really do".
But love is... sacrificial. Selfless. Un-selfish.
It's more extreme - it's till you say "I don't know who you are but I'll die for you."
It's so, so foolish. Absolutely jaw dropping and really just so.. deeply humbling.

That's why I'm going to apologise for what I've stirred up during the week.
For hurting people around me, for discarding a friend instead of telling her why I dislike her.
For being a gossip and for being mean.. for being really really mean and tactless..
So here's to Pricilla.
I'm just.. I'm just dead serious and sorry.
I'm saying sorry not because I want to make it all stop - the things people say about me won't stop but I'm saying sorry because.. I am.

I saw myself as human throughout this storm.
I saw myself as being equal as anyone else, having the same flaws as every human being on earth.
That I shall not put myself higher above anybody else and to tell them to change.
And I guess.. that's why I'm deeply humbled by what God has done for me.
Even if I was so undeserving but He saw me as worthy.
Worthy to die for.

Gossip just comes back to you.
No matter who you are, even if you're right or wrong.
It'll always hit you back eventually.
I hope this serves as an apology and yet, a gentle reminder somehow?
Because karma always works its way round.

Forgiveness is part of life.
So, um, this takes alot of tearing down of pride to do.
But I hope you forgive me for what I've done and said.
I know it's not easy for you to do that.
Even if I don't deserve it to the fullest extent but I won't even argue about it.
Because it's all about seeking the lost instead of defending the secure, isn't it?
Yep, if you don't wanna let this go, I'm fine with it too.
It's just a teeny heartfelt invitation to do so.
Sorry.

(Guys I ain't gonna delete any posts. It's not because I'm not afraid of being shown to you what a meanie I am, it's because I'd like you guys to know that. We're all errant, we all make mistakes. And I haven't done God's will, really, through the posts that I've put up. But God has forgiven you and me the moment we let ourselves be caught up with anger, pride and self-righteousness. I just want you guys to know what an awesome God He really is. And that we live by His grace and His mercy and not by our own. Because we are weak - but so, so strong in Him. Lots of love.)

2009-05-26T13:59:00.002+08:00

CHURCH CAMP IS GONNA ROCK ROCK ROCK
(I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT)
TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE
AND TO BE WITH BEST FRIENDS WHO ARE EQUALLY SPOILT AND CHILDISH
AND OH AND GUESS WHAT SHITHEAD,
WE USE RICH ENGLISH TOO!

SO SUCK IT UP
YOU VINDICTIVE LIL BITCH

2009-05-24T18:19:00.003+08:00

It has been a pretty awesome day.
Lime, Char and Belle came over after church.
We borrowed videos and we watched 1/8 of 'Once' and the whole of 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'.
Then we figured chords out for the song I wrote.
We made a recording of it but.
I'm trying to put it up on Youtube.
It's not a video but I hope it does work, even if its a blank screen.
I'm not tech-savvy. I'm an old soul waiting for her first kiss hahaha

Yesterday was interesting.
I'm so tired and lazy that I don't wanna wear my clothes.
Happy soup.

2009-05-21T22:12:00.003+08:00

I MISS YOU ZAKARIA RAIN!

Ok here's something new i've learnt from God's Word:
Gossip = Murder / any other sin
So i've been looking out for myself doing any twittering behind people's backs or even sitting in to listen
I'm trying to stop entertaining gossipers, really
Because..

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless" (James 1:26)
and
"A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit" (Proverbs 15:4)

I just hope my friends have patience with me, them being the world and watching me make my stand. I just hope they have the sensitivity to not expose words I use in which guilt should fall upon. It was so embarrassing having myself get exposed to someone else whom I told 'Don't talk about people like that'.
Suddenly I realise how critical the world is.
To say someone looks gross is an entire level from saying "her hair's straightness is weird".
But somehow it was placed on the same scale which really hurt me because of how she exposed me, and I walked off feeling extremely wronged for it.
That table of friends doesn't feel the same anymore anyway.
Sure, you can call me a social butterfly or whatever, but I know what friends deserve to be cherished, not friends who leave you at the parade square waiting all alone when you called her personally on the phone 20 minutes before, hoping she'll at least have the bloody heart to come downstairs and sit with you.
Yeah you might probably think 'why is she still harping over this?' but holes will remain holes forever and I'll always remember the way you think of yourself first and never others.
Never others.
I know you might probably tell someone else you think it's you and I'd like to say YES IT'S YOU and I don't go un-liking a person without seeing through someone's heart (at least not for people like you, that is).
You might probably say that I'm awful and evil and proud. Say whatever you wanna.
I don't wanna sound like someone who's self-righteous but if I had told you, will you change to see yourself for who you are around people? You say yeah? Could I just say that IT'S SO EASY FOR WORDS TO COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND YET YOU NEVER ACT ON IT. I'VE SEEN IT FAR TOO MANY TIMES AND IT SCARES AND CHEATS ON OUR FRIENDSHIP, EVEN.
After which, from there, you could tell me what areas I could improve in.
If you're good at confrontation, then come break me.

Went to Tiong Bahru with Enik, Adelyne and Yuying today.
Had a really cool time with them - it's nice being with people I haven't been too close with.
It's heartwarming making them laugh and you know you're just so appreciated and loved.
Then I met Esther (Lin Lao Shi) on the free shuttle bus to Plaza Singapura.
I took it because I wanted a ride to any bus stop which had 171 or 174 passing by, and it's FOC as well.
She doesn't mind teaching me Math! I've been asking God for a good math tuition teacher who is experienced and who offers a reasonable price and it's just.. WOAAAH :)

Lord You are my provision and my portion.
Make me more like You.
To always love, to always forgive and to always have Your strength in place of my own.
Because I stumble and grow weary but You said that if I place my hope and trust in You,
I will soar like the wings of eagles and be empowered by Your Spirit.
The world has been talking so much about You, there has been so many controversies about Christianity.
I don't care if people think it's a religion that teaches us the same values or whatever- this came with a heavy price.
Why would someone want a 'religion' if they couldn't connect spiritually with You?
Would they want to have their prayers offered up in vain because of a mere belief that there is a god that one can never reach?
But You reach down in love for us, Lord.
We do good because of Your love and it's not because of our works that we should be loved by You.
You loved us first and that's why Lord, I've chosen to walk the straight and narrow way.
Not the wide and winding road that leads to destruction.
I thank You that I have faith, Daddy God, give me more in running this race to conquering my O Levels, give me faith that You will see me through the flames no matter what.

Just b'cos there's a God, it doesn't mean there are no more problems. But at least we have Him in all our situations.

Refine me...
I'll take the pain and trials - because You're in it with me and that makes all the difference.
I'll sow the seeds and You can help me look after it and water them and in the end, We'll be reaping the harvest.
And abundant and bountiful it shall be.

2009-05-16T08:24:00.006+08:00

Hey babes :)
Nicole, Kelvin, Enzhao and I watched The Phantom Of The Opera at Nicole's place after school yesterday!
I cried two times. It's awfully heartwrenching.
We watched the play at The Esplanade before (which is obviously way cooler).
I got front row seats with my mummy because of some DBS package thing.
I couldn't believe that Gerard Butler acted as The Phantom in the movie.
He's GORGEOUS.
He's Scottish and his accent in P.S. I Love You sends shivers down my spine everytime I hear it.
All because it's absolutely charming.

Then later they tortured my eyes and ears by watching Lifesize - THANK GOODNESS YOU GUYS STOPPED WATCHING AT DISC ONE.
Tyra Banks is horrid.
So instead... we watched... MEAN GIRLS.
It's EFFING FUNNY. I SWEAR. Enzhao you know what I mean!
If you guys have the disc, or if you remember the part where The Plastics and Lindsay Lohan were dancing to 'Jingle Bell Rock'.. yeaaaah that part.
When Gretchen tried to stop the spoilt disc which played 'fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-' for 30 seconds and she stepped on the radio and it slipped off stage as she kicked it in Jason's face.
HA-HA-HA-HILARIOUSSSSSSSS
Kelvin, Enzhao and I were laughing like mad dogs on the sofa and Nicole kept giggling and turning back to look at us on the floor :) :) :)
And Karen, the dimwitted one, who predicts the rain and weather temperature with her breasts.
Ahhh funny.
Mean Girls told me a very important message too.
That if I say someone is stupid, it doesn't make me smarter.
If I say someone is fat, it doesn't make me any slimmer.
It impacted me in such a way that told me how useless it was talking about people behind their backs.
Yeah.. oh and I took the wrong bus home. I didn't know 77 turns into Sixth Avenue.
Annoying.

I went to cell last night feeling really crappy.
I didn't even smile at anyone who said hi.
My eyes just swept past them when we made eye contact because I was so lost in feeling... lost.
I sat with my head leaning against the wall during worship.
And when we sang I See Grace, I started to cry.
It's such a beautiful song, you guys should really listen to it if you feel broken or somehow.. condemned.
Brian Hoo shared with us that it isn't by the works that we're saved but really.. by grace.
And grace means undeserved favour.
Brian knows about my addiction so I talked to him when everyone started going back to their cell rooms.
I told him that I keep stumbling and I started tearing and all..
And he told me that I'm going through everything he went through.
(Yeah sure, you can guess, I don't really care anymore. Everyone sins so here you go.)
He let me know that God loves me so much that His Spirit in me is trying its upmost best to fight my flesh.
Feels like my flesh is taking over - but I'm not going to let it.
He showed me how God loves me so very much because His Spirit is STILL in me.
And when Brian said 'He is here', I felt a comfort so great that my heart broke knowing I had done things to reject Him.
I've been avoiding God for the whole week, really, all because the devil kept telling me I wasn't good enough to gain His love and faithfulness.
But you know what, you bloody serpent? I am. I am and always will be.
Brian also told me, "You know, I think you have faith. Yeah. You have faith."
I knew God was there and He was glad that at least I didn't doubt what He could do,
I didn't see the lack of forgiveness and love in Him.
You see, I don't need to do anything to make Him love me more and He will not love me any lesser.
He struck down great kings and sent fire from the sky on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
People went back to those two cities and when they checked the soil, they proved it to be true- because there was sulphur on the ground.
God did a million things that proved how great He was and even greater when He used Samson.
Samson was a warrior used by God against the Philistines but He gave into sexual temptation,
He slept with the Philistine women but He still kept asking God to forgive.
One day he was captured by the women and his hands were tied and his eyes were gouged out by them.
It was then that he said "God, for one last time, forgive me."
And God used him in mighty ways despite all of his mistakes.

I want to be a lady and woman of you, Lord.
Lord, I want to be used for Your Kingdom, to be used as a channel of blessing to the people around me.
I know I haven't been the nicest person around.
I know I laugh so much at sick jokes and I use vulgarities as my sentence punctuations.
But I want to get rid of those old habits, especially the one that has been blocking this connection we used to have. I want it back.

My Shepherd and King,
I find You within me,
For You are here.
My Lord forever, You are here.
The same power that conquered the grave lives in me.

This is grace.

2009-05-11T09:07:00.010+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR LOHHHH ♥
YOU'RE THE MOST AWESOME DAD IN THE WHOLE WORLD

Happy Mother's Day!
I was out with Char and Cara at Orchard yesterday!
And... I got this for Mummy :)
I was too lazy to take a picture with my mummy so I posted a picture of her at her most relaxed self.

We couldn't have dinner together as a family b'cos Kor was sick.
So I went over to their house and had dinner!
Particularly because I was so bored at home and in need of some company.
Da-sao, Jia Hui and Jia Yun made Tiramisu the day before and guess what.
I sank my teeth into that mushy delight!

So Jia showed me some pictures from the photo album.
I saw myself in it too, singing in the graduation choir.
Too bad we couldn't watch the graduation skit I was in.
I was the main lead and I was the frog.
And I pulled my undies on stage. It was hilarious. My parents were so embarrassed.
Hahaha. The first two pictures feature Miss Loh Jia Yun and the third one features Jia Hui!

*Awwww*

They also gave me Pepper and Salt shakers from a wedding, because I missed it.

Pepper: Hey there sweet thang!
Salt: :O

Pepper: Can I hug you and touch you all over?
Salt: :O !!!

Pepper: *Giggles*
Salt: Oh alright you fat thing.

Then we spent the night watching our baby videos.
There was one which was Pa's birthday and he was feeding Jia Hui mango cake.
Oh goodness the way Jia's cheeks moved up and down... *SQUEALS*
A-D-O-R-A-H-B-L-E
And when Da-Sao told her to show her Baby Rabbit.
Baby Jia Hui actually squealed and laughed when she picked up 'Baby Bear'.
I can only remember crooning over Yun's baby pictures, I didn't remember the videos we watched of her :/
Then there was me! People tried to make me laugh but I just sat there staring with my sparkling eyes (HAHAHA) and thumb in my mouth.
The maid who took care of me as a baby was SO ROUGH.
She tried to make me laugh by pushing my cheek with her finger and I just lay there looking somewhere else.
I must have been thinking "The next time she does that again, I'm gonna pee on her when she carries me later."
Yeaaah it was heartwarming watching all the videos.
Kelvin says I looked demonic when I was younger. BLEAH
Oh and my baby hair was a mohawk.
Hell yeah ROCK ON babies, we're the future generation of rock&roll!

Later we did this very retarded video of Love Story.
Where Jia Yun sang 'Romeo' as 'Ro-o-mi' because she stumbled on her words.
And Jia came cartwheel-ing in and she said 'STAY AWAY FROM JULIET'.
I was a very gay Juliet with an Indian accent.
After that we couldn't stop laughing after we watched the video and...
We watched 13 GOING ON 30 starring Jennifer Garner.
I loved it, every single bit of it.
I swear I had fairy dust sprinkled on my dreams as I was sleeping.

So this morning I woke up.
Washed up.
Came online.
Heard screams.
Dad fell into the drain while climbing up to spray some insecticide.
Ah not a funny sight.
He didn't wanna go to the doctor and my mummy told me to 'go away'.
All because I told her not to use the saline solution that was the same age as me.
That just proves that she goes haywire in situations like these.
And she uses whatever to clean wounds, even shit.
Damn annoying.

BUT LAST NIGHT ROCKED SO I DON'T CARE IF SHE SAYS I'M A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING B'COS ONE DAY I'LL BE A FREELANCE ARTIST PAINTING PORTRAITS OF HER RED FACE. HMMPH.
And these potrraits shall sell.

:)

2009-05-08T19:45:00.004+08:00

Friday night:
People go for parties and drink till they feel 'sober' and up high
Well I have dinner dates with friends like Adel at places I love like Portobelle
Particularly because it's where I have memories of Mirabelle
And they are locked up in secret behind the counter which we laughed over whipped cream
And being offered strawberry biscuit sticks

My fingers are sore and red
I played the guitar for the entire day today
After going out with Mummy to see her Ikebana arrangement on display at Paragon
I met Auntie Viola, who seems just like a bird but with her heart's wings clipped down
The Soup Spoon has incredibly satisfying mushroom soup as chicken tikka wraps
My inbox is filled with messages from Z
I have decided to pump in more effort into my painting
I'm probably going to attend a holiday painting class at The Red Sea gallery
The fee is probably going to be annoyingly pricey
Since its recommendation came from an aristocrat
Who honestly scared me with her sharp eyes
It wasn't her teeth, it was her eyes that seemed to gnaw on the back of my brain
Then Lao Shi came over, the one person who lets in a little piece of heaven eveytime she's here
Pa is back from the golf club
Thank goodness Johnna is coming back on Tuesday
Or else Pa will have to suffer nights like these where he'll have no soup to drink
Tomorrow is his birthday - sweet, sweet birthday!
I don't know how old he is but I know he hasn't led a tiring life
Because the wrinkles on his face are smoothing out
He's growing another year older - graciously
Not carefully, but taking the plunge off the edge into the joy,
The joy of soaking in every drop of water that falls from heaven -
Just like blessings
And a massive blessing he is to me

This is what it feels like to write without punctuation.
It sounds almost like a poem but it's really not, it's just my words without dots.like.these.
I'm starting to play random chords on the guitar, with the 7th fret and the 5th fret being the most commonly used.
I'm currently writing a new song.

Here's a teeny bit of the lyrics but they're scattered all over the place now.

"Red is the color of riot surging through my blood in your bed / This is for the nights we spent not talking / Only watching each other as our vision grew blurry / And we acknowledge that tear rushing to meet your bedsheets / You sing that in all of my pain I see you, I feel you, I adore you and I know you / Through and through / Through and through that heart I know that beats / That beats / That beats / Everytime I'm with you "

I'M OFF TO PORTOBELLE!
(♥)

2009-05-07T19:23:00.004+08:00

i don't know why you say these things to me
to make my heart beat
sending shock waves through my body
i only know that dreaming about someone for 3 times in 2 months is not normal
i think i know what you're gonna say
but i don't mind getting surprised by your unpredictable ways
but today i'm honestly whooooshed away by you
and i'm struggling to breathe
in a weird but good way
so.
how now.

2009-05-06T23:44:00.003+08:00

11:44

i'm in a christmas mood
my gosh i miss christmas like hell
i love carolling and going to church on christmas mornings
as well as the trees and lights and presents
and knowing Jesus all over again as i listen to how humble he enters our world
as King and Lover of our souls
in which sin dies and darkness trembles in His Light

merry christmas
i want gingerbread and mint hot choc
i still have candy canes leftover in the fridge
they don't look expired though

2009-05-06T22:02:00.001+08:00

10.02

you know
the world's so big
and there are so many people for you to meet
but all i really want
is after uve had your fun
is that you'll come back to me
and only me

2009-05-06T20:20:00.002+08:00

I asked Miss LOG how will the farmer know if pigs get sick?
She told me to get a pet pig and make it sick and watch it.
Pet pig. P-p. Alliteration! *Oooo*

There is no sense of urgency at all and I usually regret after typing this.
I have POA to study and To Kill A Mockingbird to revise.
Miss LOG told me that I should do poems instead of prose, because I tend to get caught up in trying to analyse every tiny detail there is in a prose.
Poems are picture language stuff. And I think using pictures.
Like me matching your name to your face.
When I grow older, I could be a singer, a writer or an artist.
I was thinking that if I were to be a writer, would I be entirely honest and true?
I wouldn't want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings. Or worse,
Get sued.
I'd like to write an autobiography but I figured that it'd probably be a diary for only my eyes to read.
Social Studies: I don't understand why it's an hour and a half. It's too short and the finger I lean my pen on is getting coarse.
English comprehension: Bloody annoying. I felt like a climber after reading it. I hate anything to do with climbing snowy mountains. I only like standing on top of one watching people ski down to their deaths.

Dinner tonight was pretty awesome because Mummy cooked it and not Johnna.
I wonder what Johnna's doing right now. I wonder if she remembers to buy me seashells from the Philippines.
So I finished my tofu soup and there it was, that pretty little fishball in my bowl screaming "you know you want meeee!!!"
It's the kind with minced meat inside and I've learnt to eat it whole now.
Because I bit into it and the gravy inside squirted out onto my hand and the floor.
I started to laugh and my parents chorused "Aiyoooo!" together.
I love moments like these.
They make me feel like nothing in the world can ever compare to them.
Truth is: NOTHING can ever compare to them.
So here I go, trying to understand accounting principles that people claim to be so simple.
No I'm not dumb, just you wait, reader.
I'm so sorry for blabbering on about exams and everything.
I'm just so satisfied with myself because I actually studied and am going to study.
"Well you were supposed to, Liling."
I know, okay, I know!
I'm satisfied because that's exactly my point: I know.
And I'm doing it
:)

STICKY lollies for Kel's birthday
Caramel waffles for anyone who buys me a pet pig

Oh and if I miss FRIENDS on Star World on Monday nights, I still have Lipstick Jungle to swoon over.
Scenario: In an office lift. In America.
Blondie girl who is not a bimbo says seriously: 'You can't always get what you want.'
Hot African Americano: 'I always get what I want.'
Guy embraces girl andddd.........*KISSSS*
Lift doors close.
Lift doors open and they're standing at both corners of the lift, smiling as people stream in.
I giggled okay. Cos it was so... *aarrgghh* 'cute'.

!

2009-05-03T22:10:00.005+08:00

And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees,
Cos you, you have that effect on me.

I finally barred the F chord on the guitar and it sounds right :)
Church was fine today, Daniel and I were stoning throughout the sermon.
The pastor was really funny. I mean, who cut shorts prayers and changes the entire meaning of "wafer and grape juice" to "water and grape juice"?!
I don't like the word 'cute' but ok he's 'cute'.
Realised God will wait for me patiently until I'm ready to enter His presence again.
He won't barge into my life. This week God has kept silent.
Maybe He's letting me drift away but I know the further I think He is from me, the closer He is to me.

Look, I captured a pile of pink and green leaves downstairs at the basement.
I love piles of leaves. I like leaves. I wanna be a tree.
You do know I'm just plain tired and my eye is itchy b'cos dust went into it right.
I watched the Princess Diaries last night and I loved it.
We watched a teeny bit of A Bug's Life at Joseph's place too.
Days at Joseph's place are the best. They've got good food, good company and a womanizer for a dog.
Joseph always teases me outrightly about my secrets.
Like 'Cristi' and the perverse tattoo incident.
To end off this blogging moment, I have something to say.
I like Math now.

You love me and I love you harder.

2009-05-01T09:25:00.003+08:00

Michael just made me talk to his Brazilian friend online.
Gabriel lives in Sao Paolo- the biggest city in Brazil!
I asked him about the drug dealers and gangs and he said they're from Rio de Janeiro.
And Portugese is his first language. Kewl!
Closest I've soaked myself in their colourful culture was when my family and I were in Spain.
Beautiful, even with its unfurnished old buildings and broken telephone cable lines.
I loved the souvenir shopping the most, really ;)

So it's Labour Day today.
Waking up slowly to a glorious morning sets the mood right for studying.
I'm grateful that I'm not down with any sickness during this time of well.. of me hanging in there.
Z sent me so many messages yesterday. And thanks for reminding me that my mummy loves me no matter what she says to hurt me.
My point is, Z has always been there for me whenever I need him even if he's so faraway from me. But our hearts are somehow connected and we know what we feel exactly.
A blessing, you are, Habiby.
Habiby in Arabic means 'my love'. Girls say it to guys.
Habibty is also the same meaning but the guys say it to the girls.
I love language. I love it when you say it to me the most! *squeals*

Ahem.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRABELLE TAN <3!

YOU GAY THING. I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME LAUGH OVER SILLY SHIT.
LOVE THE WAY YOU KNOW WHAT TO SAY EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU DON'T.
LOVE YOUR HEART AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU FEEL.
LOVE YOU FOR LETTING ME TAG ALONG FOR LUNCHES.
LOVE YOU FOR BEING... you.
Honest, true, you.
Chicks over Dicks forever.
Girlfriends [You, Me and Char] = #no.1

2009-04-29T20:36:00.001+08:00

you're absolutely and entirely smitten by me, aren't you!

2009-04-26T22:08:00.004+08:00

I wonder whether it's all my fault and whether I'm deserving of such detestable attitude from my maid.
God, I know I've hurt her in Secondary One but I'm very sure all that has changed.
To the extent that she gets to hurt me back, to mock me, to threaten me and only to find myself crying alone in the toilet or The Sanctuary, with absolutely no justice done to my name.
Me hurting her during that year could never patch up that hole- that raw, sore hole I tore open with my voice and intimidation.
I hate myself for that, God.
I pray You forgive me for what I did then.
But please, it's been three years and more and God, I've changed so, so much and you know that.
Why does she still hold this unforgiveness closely to her heart?
Why does she pour her anger and raging moods on me when all I asked for was a little help?
Why does she not appreciate the times when she could sit with me, laughing in front of the TV, when I offered her chocolate out of the goodness of my heart..
And all I get are glaring eyes and sometimes, I have smiles but somehow her selfishness and arrogance drives me up the wall.
I can't shout at her because I'd be blowing another matter up.
I can't do anything.
I'm so helpless.
She only offers help to her rightful employers who pay her salaries.
How about the child of her employer, who needed a little help?
Just clearing books instead of asking her to move heavy flower pots?
What did I do to deserve her attitude, God.
Am I still to be punished for what I did?
Why is a vengeful heart so hard to soften.
Only You can do that, and only in You I trust.
I feel so helpless and desperate and plain hurt right now.
I can't believe I'm allowing these tears to escape.
Just because of a maid with mood swings.
My head is being stepped upon.
God. Do something. Make.it.stop.

Then Z says to me:

(I) You can find me on the Front porch swinging by a Satellite says:
ling maybe ur family's sleeping and I am offline but God doesn't get sleepy and He doesn't sleep and He's always online with you

And I know, God, You walk with me through the fire and the flames will not set me ablaze.

2009-04-22T19:44:00.005+08:00

Hi. This is the kind of post that contains no pictures.
Only words and emotions and all my inner thoughts you don't see me voicing out.
Some woman on radio (some guest person) just sang an incredibly high-pitched song and I'm honestly very disturbed right now.
So.
Guess what I've been doing this week!
I've been conscious of it for the past 7 days - my vulgarity vocabulary has taken itself onto a whole new level.
It scares me. The scariest thing is that, I feel good when all the verbal diarrhoea spews out.
I know, I'm SUPPOSED TO feel good after describing how I felt at that very moment in such a crude way but thing is, it's a cooler challenge if I could describe my emotions in the same context but yet with different words.
Non-vulgar words.
Anyway, during class at school I had a very strong craving for hot chocolate crepe and imagined myself sitting in front of the TV watching an entire season of Friends.
I'm back from TLL class and I absolutely look forward to it every single week.
Miss Ligaya Ong is the world's most inspirational, smackin' awesome teacher.
She's so true and encouraging and hilarious.
You see, I couldn't find the answer to a comprehension question when it was just the first few words of the paragraph.
And I was like "Where! Whereeee!"
Cheryl: "The first few lines!!!"
Miss LOG: "Good, Cheryl! Not like some people who read backwards!"
HAHAHA :) me likey her much! (psst! SHE LAUGHED TOO SO IT'S NOT AN INSULT!)

Oh Z I'm so, so proud of you for trusting God.
You got such a massive amount of money for the work you pumped in.
Not hard work that you went crazy over - but you being so undeserving and yet God gave you that money!
(If you guys thought Z and I were over, well... hahaha.
We aren't.
Because he wouldn't stop saying Iloveyous + "Linggg habibtyyy" to me.
And, um, I couldn't resist his sweet persistence.
So he's gonna be the first one to buy me a baby brown persian cat.
You promised me!)

***

Watched Nigella Feasts on my favourite channel today, Discovery Travel & Living.
My eyes were glued to the TV screen for the entire 15 minutes.
Johnna and I were laughing over Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre Foods last night as well.
He's the epitome of cute and zomg he's so, so lovely to watch!
A Random Conclusion:
Ah I love life and even the chaos lets me sit back and laugh it off.
I only wish I could glorify God in everything I do because seems like I've left Him out for the entire week.
My blood test was due on the 9th of April and look, it's the 22nd.
I realised that I have been losing weight at a rate where I can withstand the diet programme - because I gave it to God; I do the natural and He does the supernatural.
I think God's so beautiful and I don't ever want to club or go to any dirty parties because I want to glorify Him every single moment of my life.
The vulgarities have proven to be worthless and they shall be crossed out from my mouth, my mind and my spirit, along from the temporary anger I feel from my heart as well.
I thank God for the many friends that have been supporting me daily, who tell me to go for tuition, who solve problems for me and with me, who give me hugs and kisses on my cheek and once again, for never letting me go.
I feel so loved and I can't be thankful enough.
xoxo

2009-04-18T19:32:00.004+08:00

I have one word to describe this creation.
Fab.
I email-ed the artist who did this.
She lives in Mexico and her eldest son's name is Israel.
Z and I were going all "cooool" over that name.
We figured that if we were really gonna be together till forever,
we'd name our first girl or boy Israel too.
I know what I want to be when I grow up.
I just didn't have the words in mind to confirm it.
I am going to be.
A freelance artist and hopefully, musician.
I'll travel all around the world!
Israel's my number one stop. Then to Greece, then to Slovenia again and kiss Z on Lake Bled.
We'll have our very own studio and apartment in Sydney at Darling Harbour.
I'll have my sweetheart, a pug and a chocolate persian cat.
I could do gigs at pubs in the evenings and set up my very own gallery shows with my work.
And God will reassure me that after all that is accomplished, He'll have bigger things in store.
I just realised what's gonna be hard is that.. I should surrender this dream to Him too.
I gotta say I'm willing - even if He makes me your daily garbage woman.
But I know He won't make me do that, obviously.
Still, I'm gonna give it to Him.

Oh look, Belle has even hired me already to paint stuff for her.
:)

2009-04-14T20:21:00.003+08:00

These are all the photos I managed to take with my drama babes!
There are still a few more in Habibah's and Audrey's phone too :)

Drama SYF 2009 / In Memoriam

Gerard and Yan have been A-A-AHMAZINGGG!

Miss Khoo is incomparable man, she's the absolute best. Getting nervous fits and all- we didn't feel the pinch that she took for us, until the last minute. The make up was a fantastic job entirely directed by her as well as all the funny mistakes we make during training sessions- she reenacting the scenes = ONE IN A MILLION.
I love every single one of you drama hotties - even if you're annoying when you make too much noise- because I could see how sincere you guys were when we made that "sit in a circle" commitment.
SYF was SO FRRREAAAAKIN ENJOYABLE I tell you! Every single one of us enjoyed the entire play immensely and I swear, I loved it when that American judge saw the twist at the ending!
If we get Bronze, so be it. (Sure, we'll cry like hell but we know we've got each other!)
But if we get Silver, we'll rock the whole school down.
(If we get Gold, we'll bomb North Korea above all. They're disgusting.)

2009-04-13T20:45:00.009+08:00

God
These knees are giving way
These eyes are burning
My vision is blurring

I don't give a shit anymore

I'm going to Trinity
I'm gonna get away from it all
I'm gonna be a painter and do weekly gigs at a cafe in Melbourne
We'll eat fish & chips on Saturdays and go to Hillsong Church on Sundays
We'll party at night clubs and mutually detest the drugs and alcohol
We'll get eyebrow piercings and regret poking holes in our precious bods
We can smack people on their faces and live on the streets
Will we be sober and singing personal elegies once it hits us all?
Hell no,
We'll be best friends by the beach picking sea shells
We could go surfing but without me in a bikini
If I get eaten by sharks I know you'll save me
And if you don't,
At least you're true to me

Lilzz 9.01 PM

2009-04-10T13:24:00.008+08:00

♥

when i turn jet black
and you show off your light
i live to let you shine
i live to let you shine

Hahaha
This weekend was pure B-L-I-S-S

Oh Thursdays we use cheat codes for our pool games,
On Good Fridays we're best friends in Christ,
On Saturdays I buy myself eco-friendly-bra(s),
On Easter Sundays He is risen.

I don't know if you feel me
I don't know if you want to
Chances are meant to be given
But then again,
..maybe not

!

2009-04-08T06:35:00.005+08:00

Incomparable, unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same,
You are amazing, God.

Bertrand Russell (atheist) -
Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless.

HEY SWEETHEARTS.
I'M THRILLED.

2009-04-04T17:30:00.008+08:00

I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your word Lord, I'll receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus, You're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would I be without You here in my life
here in my life

You have said that all the heavens
sing for joy at one who finds the
way to freedom, truth of Jesus
bought from death into His life

and I remember how You saw me
through the eyes of Your grace
and though the cost was Your beloved for me
still You made a way

And as I'm singing this in The Sanctuary, I am crying.
I did it again, I went back to that secret sin.
The dirt, the guilt, the temporary pleasure.
I chose to hurt myself.
But how come, HOW COME YOU ALWAYS COME BACK TO PICK ME UP TO HOLD ME EVERYTIME I FALL, I'M SO UNDESERVING, SO FUCKING SCREWED, SO SCARED SHITLESS BUT HOW COME, LORD..
how do You come to me and tell me You won't ever leave
and that no matter how screwed I am, You'll always love me
i don't know what to say but to just sit here in Your presence
listening to Your voice amidst the chaos

Here In My Life / Oceans Will Part - Hillsong

Joseph - false tears causes hurt to others.... false smiles hurt yourself says:
if you sin, you qualify for his love
the reason we fall
is so we can pick ourselves up
God does not cause us to fall
or anything that hurts us for that matter
but he uses them to make us better
that just drives the devil crazy
even the fall of man was used to His advantage
last time we were His creation
now, we're His family

(Joseph charged me $3000 for this, punkies)

But really. In Christ alone I have found victory, I have found strength to conquer the devil's evil schemes, I have found Love that the world has been searching for. I found me, I found Him.

2009-04-02T19:51:00.004+08:00

It's 7:52 PM on a very fine Thursday night because I've perfectly enough time to start painting!
The TV blew last night so there isn't much of a ruckus at home right now (which is weird and everyone's very fidgety).

I wrote a song this afternoon :)
It's titled 'Plain Brit-Ish' and no one is allowed to hear it but myself!
It's really random like any other indie song as well.
Here's a teeny part of it:

"No we don't fish for trout by the sea
No we don't go about in gondolas singing love hymns
But yeah we kinda get all flirty
And say maybe you should never trust me
But guess what
I do
Cos you're plain Brit-ish
Aren't you?"

Pric and I met Nad's parents and hopped into their car.
Eddie was like "You never sit car before ah?"
The car was stationary but we just went in to enjoy the air-con hahahaaaa
Today the weather in school was being a pain, I got all sticky :(
But I still love school all the same because no other can ever replace my classmates and the best friends in it.

Yknow what's the best thing.
I haven't been talking to God for most of the time.
And the best thing is, He shows me how much He loves me through people I meet and the texts I read. He shows me that I don't deserve that forgiveness, not even an ounce of it.
But He's still giving it to me.
Even if I've been arrogant and self-righteous for the entire day.

2009-03-31T21:43:00.005+08:00

Gee. The Singaporean Government just legalized the sale of human organs.
Ron told me that yesterday during dinner.
:O nuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I just got back from the airport (skip the bathing and stealing a glass of milk from the fridge!)
We sent Ron off and there he goes now, 45 minutes on the plane to Brisbane already!
We took so many photos and even if it weren't THAT funny, it was heartwarming :)
It's always awesome when you're with your family. And really, its such a blessing to have them all in my life.
Jia, Yun and I were singing songs in the car. Harmonising with them is really cool so now I know - the first to encourage me to join the music business are all the Lohs :)
Also, after Ron went through the immigration glass doors and watching a few exchange students jump about waving goodbye to some teachers, we went to The Cocoa Trees.
Kor got three Reese's Peanut Butter cupcakes.
They're tiny pieces of heaven that should be awarded BEST CHOC/STRESS RELIEF OF THE YEAR!
I got a purple 'Minis' too and Jia just ignited my passion for Twix chocolate bars.
Bounty is equally good as well.
Since AIN'T NOBODY HAS THE SONG 'Jaiho', I'm going through an illegal process by ripping the online sources for free :)
GUESS WHAT IT AIN'T WORKING
I honestly feel victorious (seriously) for having overcome going through 12 weeks of the diet programme with an achievement, really!
& I love Koe cos he said "OK LILING ONCE YOU HIT 60 KG THAT'S ENOUGH ALREADY, CAN LIAO!" and Boon said "YEAH ONCE YOU HIT 60, LET'S ALL GO OUT OKAY?"
:D :D :D
I'm ESTATIC - cos Adeline said your ass kena static! :) :) :)
Hahaha and guess what GUYS - I AIN'T GOING OVERSEAS NO MORE
Trinity College shan't be 'all the way' cos its all about me being here for my parents every single moment.
I love my class, I love the way we support each other no matter what, I love the funny gossip that we hear every so often, I love every single part of 4D'S RETARDATION AND TEARS AND HILARIOUS MOMENTS.
I don't know why I'm so "oh look she's reminiscing and shit" but seriously, WHATEVAAAA!!!

hahaha so if you think i like you, like 'like like' you
WHO CARES COS YOU CAN'T STOP ME AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, REALLY

Naddd people try to break ya down but we're your strong fortress.
You can hide under my wings.
I'm an eagle ^^

2009-03-29T23:24:00.005+08:00

Friends + God = (L)

2009-03-28T20:03:00.002+08:00

the first thought while typing this:
i guess i'll sleep through Earth Hour
and we can shut all the lights in this quiet household and go to bed

loved superteens
it was worth it, every single minute of it

i missed my parents on the last night
i felt so lonely on the way home
and i felt so lonely for the entire day today

but i never knew how kel and niki waited for me
i think waiting is torturous and frustrating
and you guys.. took it for me
i am in awe of how much you guys love me as a friend
in awe.
i can't express myself right now but when i broke down in the toilet because the realisation impacted me in such a strong way,
i knew that was how much i felt
and
it's called love
and immense gratitude
shit i hate myself for thinking you guys forgot about me
i love you guys for every single minute and beyond the entire time span you spent waiting for a hobbit like me
we'll go out to have a meal
as well as all our favourites friends
wo ai ni men to the max

2009-03-17T18:23:00.004+08:00

Hello Trouble says:
ling i'm so sorry l=
Hello Trouble says:
but..
Hello Trouble says:
hmm..
...because I spit Hot fire / xx says:
hahaha
...because I spit Hot fire / xx says:
what
...because I spit Hot fire / xx says:
sorry for what
Hello Trouble says:
but youre.. GONNA HAVE TO STUFF YOURSELF SILLY WITH PASTA AND SOUP AND SALAD TONIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT BIATCH
Hello Trouble says:
oh yeah ah ah oh yeahhh *does victory pump
...because I spit Hot fire / xx says:
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
...because I spit Hot fire / xx says:
*DOES WILD CHILD TONGUE

If everything could feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.
- Everlong (acoustic) / Foo Fighters

So as you all know, I'm crashing Belle's house in half an hour to laugh and talk with her and her funny family! (Alliteration! KACHING)
I've missed her so much during these few days, as well as Char- I actually forgot Char's still in Vietnam. I thought she was in Singapore but she just didn't wanna contact me.
And all the more did I realise Char would never do that to me :)
[ CHAR. BELLE AND I EVEN FOUND A SONG ABOUT YOU. BELLE WILL PLAY THE KEYBOARD AND I'LL SING IT ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! ]
My tummy is growling because I can't wait to break my diet laws again!
Anyway I took today's Chinese test very seriously!
I loved going through all the motions- whether it was finding words in my dictionary for Justin Koh, stamping my feet when the teacher said "NI MEN HAI YOU WU FEN ZHONG!", sighing and thinking of funny thoughts throughout.. I loved it all.
I actually felt.. relaxed. Maybe it's because developing my brain in this manner never felt better.
And I don't hate Chinese- I never did! I love it because it's plain smart.
It's amazing how our eyes can spot Chinese strokes and actually understand what they mean and how they are to be read!
Drama was satisfying because we put our effort in it and at least I don't look that fat in my dress.
Miss Khoo did make up for us today!
Ohhh and last night, I was at Angel's place!
I had loads of fun talking and laughing and getting high, really :)
WO AI NI (even if you coloured my Rubi Shoes bag in the letter 'U' with my blue copic ciao marker)

Ah on a more.. emotional note..
A year and 4 months with you has been the one of the most beautiful times of my life.
You showed me how it's like to be loved like a lover, showed me how strong feelings tend to get and how you can forgive it all.
You showed me that you'll always be here for me even as a friend and you'll always be jealous over other guys liking me (WTP?!).
But I love you and you know you'll always have that special place in my heart and vice versa.
You are also the one who showed me that God has so much more in store for me as well as for yourself.
I'll write us an ode. An ode to us.
You're one of those people whom I wanna be my true self to, always.
(Then again, I am true to everyone, aren't I? Hahaha)
My love, you make it real for me.

BECAUSE WE SPIT HOT FIRE

2009-03-14T07:34:00.005+08:00

Mozzarella boccinini, you're my best friend
Cherry tomatoes and butternut pumpkin tooOOOO
I'm gonna go get you (go get you) again
Cause you're the best comfort food when I'm down and blue.

There comes a point in time when we lose even if we did exceptionally well.
Even if we pumped in hell alot of effort into it.
It wasn't that we weren't good enough.
I think God let us lose because He knew how much we could take,
How we could let our pride down for this loss.
Debate has been one of the most awesome things that has happened to me this year, along with many others.
I didn't cry about the loss, no, but I came home feeling really down.
After a whole night of rest, I feel better and I guess.. not so chaotic.
So here I am blogging on my bed. My bed sheets are a classic brown. Me likey :)

What really mattered was how Deb and I were sitting in her mom's car singing worship songs and being in surrender to Him.
I knew He was there and when every single one of us were speaking, God was there.
I don't care how many thumb-ups Amanda gave me throughout it because God gave me thump-ups all the way.
I thank God for Deborah, really.
She's so beautiful from the inside out and I don't care if others don't see her the way I do- I think she's awesome.
The things she likes (like jazz and blues and retro/Alice in Wonderland related kinda stuff), the way she speaks, the way she knows and everything that goes through her mind is.. well.. Original!
Deb's a true thinker, I must say. A true one.
And I like thinkers :) They make me see things in a different light. And Deb always lets me see the positive side of things and she reminded me last night that we have nothing to lose.
It was there and then that it struck me and I was reminded that "in the chaos, in confusion, I know You're sovereign still."
Hell, it's not easy for me to take another loss but I know He has his reasons.
Maybe it was a whole training and experience for me.
Just like Amanda said- the things we learnt, learning how to be a public speaker and all that :)

OH AND I'M GONNA JOIN PERFORMING ARTS WITH DEB AT JULIA GABRIEL AFTER DRAMA SYF ENDS.
It's gonna be so cool.
I miss Forum so much as well as Bookaburra.
So shopping for costumes with Yan and Habibah later.
I need to go brush me teeth now.
But first, let me say,
SOMEBODY TAKE ME OUT FOR DINNER AT HOLLAND V OR FOR A MOVIE.
AND START MY ENGINES BY TALKING AND LAUGHING AND GOING ALL DRAMA ABOUT MY WEEK.
JUST TAKE ME OUT OF THIS ..
AHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS EITHER.
Madness, I suppose.

( ♥ )

2009-03-11T19:22:00.003+08:00

You know I was just thinking about techno music in the car.
And I realised how electrifying it really is.
But rock is far more electrifying, isn't it :)
I've been really pissed with my teachers for the past 2 days.
One kicks my table, the other openly suggests that I'm fat in front of the class, another one is PMS-ing after a student asks a question and the last one throws me back contradictory remarks about what she had just agreed to do so THEREFORE DISAGREEING IN THE END.
Mam, if I am to be refused in such an offensive way, then I'd rather have model answers than discuss the comprehension questions BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FREAKING HEAR US FROM THE BACK AND ALL 38 OF US WON'T KNOW IF YOU ACCEPT OUR ANSWERS BECAUSE OUR BRAINS WORK DIFFERENTLY.
Fish & Co with all my fellow gays next week, oh how pretty they shall look when we sit and stare at each other opposite the table, batting our eyelids, eating our "supposedly evolved from species" (AHEM AHEM) and yeah, being gay.
I'm personally very tired today but I think I'll be as high as Cloud Nine after a shower.
Today we set goals in TLL class and I have to stick to these goals in order to get my B for Math by the Mid-year exam.
I just realised how awesome Miss Ligaya Ong is- I LOVE HER because she never fails to motivate me every single lesson with her dramatic teaching ways and I was really touched when she said how good my english standard was (I AM NOT BEING EGO HERE) but no teacher has ever told me personally how well I write.
I failed English for the term, if you proud people must know because of my comprehension.
But she actually said that my comprehension just needs to be drilled for 2 months or so and I just need structure in my essays, then I'm ready to go.
I thought I was far, far away from that A1. Now it seems like it's grinning next to me from ear to ear. I WILL HUG YOU, A1, I WILL HUG YOUUUU
Okay. The teacher I've always looked up to is going through a really tough time with the class.
Suddenly I was just so overwhelmed by our indifference as seniors of the school, really.
How ungrateful we really are and how much we chase after that A instead of giving our teacher the credit she deserves- to be appreciated.
We're 15-16 year olds and our moral values are like.. crap.
Because we're so full of self-righteousness and showing off our crowns of glory when actually.. those crowns are rusty and they don't even shine anymore.
'Only the wise and the clever can see'. Remember what Mr Tham said during morning assembly guys? The story that he told us about The Emperor's New Clothes?
He was so full of himself and so conceited that he was deluded by his 'wise ways' and 'handsome new clothes'.
But this teacher brings out the best in us. She tells us where our strengths are and how our weaknesses can even be turned into strengths themselves.
Alongside with Mr Sairi and Mdm Nur Laila, she's one of the teachers who actually polishes my EYES to SEE the crown that I wear to bring out the best in me.
She doesn't only polish my eyes, she also indirectly polishes my crown.
This song came to my mind. It's so corny (haha *BLUSH*) but it means so much.

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

I've never sat down and started shaking my head at my behaviour or even reproached myself for not doing homework.
I remembered what Lao Shi told me.
"Not doing homework = you having no respect for me = you hurting me = you hurting yourself."
I don't like seeing my teachers hurt, because I get hurt too.
My parents told me to eat dinner half an hour ago.
I'm off, babes.
Lovelove.

2009-03-08T00:48:00.003+08:00

My week's been chaotic internally.
I finally broke down this afternoon.
Never felt better, really.
So we're all hyped up for our next debate competition.
We'll body slam them- 'literally'.
If you get the meaning in that, good on you, babe.

I'm gonna write a song about you. I'm SO going to.

2009-03-05T15:38:00.004+08:00

This morning in school, I was fiddling around with my calculator.
My fingers were dancing around on the buttons, punching in Mum's number, my household number, Nadhirah's number, my own number..
Then came Angel's number- only to have "8136" and "8136" as the first 4 numericals on the screen.
I stared at it and started reproaching myself.
I actually forgot my best friend's phone number.
We haven't spoken much after 3 whole months (starting 2009 without your best friend who knows you inside out seriously sucks)- we didn't quarrel or anything, we just went on with our lives thinking it'll all be okay once we meet but thing is, we never did try to arrange anymore meetings.
Or at least, didn't bother to.
In Mum's car, I suddenly realised that these meetings actually keep my sanity under control- they're my most cherished and favoured times of the week when I experience bad days.
Not only were the meetings important but it was with WHOM. And guess who they're with :)
I came back home, relieved after a gay day at school because I felt like a failure in behaviour. I lay on my bed, listening to I Love You Till The End by The Pogues and I was thinking about the friendship.
Suddenly her number struck my mind like lightning and BOOM! here I am blogging telling you my thought process.

I don't know if you're reading this BUT PLEASE DON'T DEPRIVE ME OF OUR HILARIOUS-FREEDOM-REIGNS-IN-MY-LIFE MEETINGS BECAUSE THEY MEAN SO, SO MUCH TO ME! AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH WEIGHT I PUT ON AFTER EATING MACS AT SERENE CENTRE BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE REMEDY TO MY WEEKLY MISERY!

Sigh.
I detest our chemistry teacher because I asked a question and she threw back a whole load of crap at me which was probably caused by PMS syndromes.
Yeah, yeah, she may produce distinctions for the school but HELL, if she's ever gonna scream and give me that "WHAT YOU WANT LAH" kinda face, I'd rather ask my questions from a tree. Because trees are not intimidating even if they're tall and shady (where you can lie under their shade and sleep without having to jump up from chemistry teachers) and if you go really close, they give off PEACE vibes.
I seriously can't believe Jesus loves these kinda people who are impatient and gay.
Why is He so awesome. Sigh.

2009-03-01T19:15:00.006+08:00

you're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter
you're like a hard candy with a surprise centre
how do i get better once i've had the best

The sky's a deep indigo, blended in with a tinge of turquoise.
I think I'm starting to cry.
My heart's not racing but yet every single beat in me is hurling itself onto my ribcage.
Every thump hurts.
Feels like my bones could shatter any moment now.

Suddenly I've gone past being high for the week/day.
Suddenly I've got real emotions in me.
Like joy. Not happiness.
Like the feeling of missing someone so dearly. Not hurt.
Like peace and not the tiny pieces of heaven that somehow drowns out the 'chaos for the day'.
I won't put on any false pretenses to hide who I really am.
This is me, bare and vulnerable to the world.
Take me, use me, to make yourself feel better, give me your burdens, let me heal your bloodshot eyes, let me feel your insecurities, let me be there to listen, hold onto me, cry on me, take my hands and wipe your tear-stricken cheeks, have my hand on your back when you throw up from too much alcohol, have my fingers on your chin when you can't lift your head to face the world, hit me when you feel like you're inadequate, let me be you, let me feel everything you never wanted to feel, let me piece your heart back together, let me be the time you need to take to recover, make me break down when I'm hugging you, make me know that you are loved by God no matter how useless you think you really are- and will you let me be here for you to show you how beautiful you really are?
Will you, world, will you.
Slap me hard because I'm pieces of you.. and you are pieces of me.
Will you, world, will you.
I love you, world, I really do. I'll do this much and know that I was made to love you, no matter how hard.
And today I carry such a heavy burden upon my shoulders- yet willingly.
For He bore the stripes that were supposed to be on my body.
World, let me bear His burden of loving you.
"Burden"- because if you actually looked at yourself and everything you've done, you'll probably be in awe of what Jesus gave up for.
For a wretch like me.
Wretch.
Like me.
Like you.
Like us.

I finally saw the old rugged cross as a death march at Shine Forth today.
In it I saw the beauty of His love, the most supreme love of all.
An instrument of death which brought salvation to the world.
Light rays can never be caught but yet in the darkness, they shine so brightly when Jesus was killed, that they could be embraced using our spirits- in truth.
Taking up this cross for You, Lord, I have never been more willing to do anything.
I'd walk this death march for You, Lord, this death march because I'll exchange this beautiful, old rugged cross someday for a crown.

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

So I'll cherish the old, rugged cross
Till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old, rugged cross
And exchange it someday for a crown

xx
Happy Birthday Val!
(hope you like the card i made ya)
Debate was the best night ever because all of 3 of us knew You were right there and at the very moment when the Opposition was declared the winner, all heaven was clapping and the sound of angel's choruses rang through the room. Because we had lost the battle but You're gonna transform us into victors during the war.

Z,
what would you do if you were the one who was spending the night?
(U)

2009-02-24T20:06:00.012+08:00

So yea the world's falling under my feet,
The sky's crashing down on my supposedly thick head,
There's threat and scorn in my face
But I know you two will never leave.

Chicks before dicks. Always.

25 Feb
Yes it's 'tomorrow' if you're reading these very words now.
Today the day just went on by but I'm really pleased with myself for listening in class!
Sitting in front benefits me alot, especially when I'm sitting next to Nicole Tee.
Something I kind of noticed about her is that.. she's always trying.
She's never giving up even if I reply her with "I don't know".
She shows me that there's no harm in asking again and again- cos you'll only understand the situation/question even better!
I was looking forward to Debate mostly and I'm not disappointed one bit at all.
Debate is genius; it expands my general knowledge by such a large scale and.. I love the world and everything that's happening in it.
If you came across the Discovery Channel I Love The World advertisement, that's exactly how I feel about our planet :)
Life has been good, I guess, even if I bawled my eyes out over the diet plan yesterday.
Mum and I had disagreements and it was really awful in the car.
I want to cherish her more, especially for all the small, detailed things she does for me- they mean so much and I know I can never get a more traditional yet modern mummy, ever.
She knows which uncle/auntie to buy the freshest fish in the market from, she knows where to get the prettiest clothes at the cheapest buy, she knows how to bargain and judge things of value well, she knows what kind of food I love to eat, she knows, she knows.
Even if she doesn't understand my weird teenage ways.. in the end.. she knows it all.
The best thing about her, really, is that she says sorry or at least, has that apologetic expression across her face.
Don't you ever wish your parents could read your blog somehow, then they'd probably know how much you really appreciate about them.
Then again, reader, you may be thinking "mm why don't you go ahead and tell them?"
I guess it's really a vibe that I give my parents, and they also give me vibes through their tone of voice, the little actions like touching me on my arm, the way I hug them, the way I smile and look at them sometimes.
All of them express the words I Love You- we don't seem like the kind of family which says those three words out loud, but I appreciate that understanding because, some families might practice doing that but in real fact, they don't mean anything.
I wouldn't rank giving my Dad a warm, physical hug below those three words.
Mummy and Pa's patience and tolerance show me what God is like.. I've never stopped being thankful once I realised that. There has been no lack in their love, really, neither has there been in Jesus' love for me.
Yeah so these few days, it has been really God at the centre of my life, the Bible being my moral compass and cherishing my family which brings so much joy to me as a daughter, follower of Christ and sinner in freedom.

"Passionate people give extravagantly."
This teaches me to not be selfish- so starting from today for the rest of my life, I'm going to try loving everyone for who they are. But I am imperfect so I might not attain that level yet, but reader, just know that I'm trying.
I am in love with Debate, LYRA colour pencils, God, my family and all my friends who have been there for me through everything.
Even if I haven't been that close to any of them this week (besides awesome Belle and extraordinary Char), I still appreciate every single one of you!
My boyfriend's off for the week. I'm lovesick but I'm also not lacking from God's love and grace.
I love the whole world and all its craziness... hoom dee ah na hoom dee ah na.. hoom dee ah na!

2009-02-22T13:20:00.003+08:00

This morning I woke up to a very pissing off maid.

"Johnna, can you help me pack my stuff? Like a little bit here and there? :)"
"Later I pack then you can't find your things then you shout at me."
"Help a bit lah, I haven't got the time."
"Heh you spend the whole day on the computer talking to your Israeli, you have no time?"
"He hasn't been online for the whole week!"
"Heh you don't believe me, I tell your parents about what you do then you know."

I almost cried when I walked out of the house.
She threatened me, she effing threatened me!!!
And I haven't shouted at her since like what, Sec one?
I didn't even blame her for the things that got lost, like my Physics textbook.
She has been condemning me for such a long period of time, I haven't even blasted off at her once.
She told me about so many of the wrong things I've been doing and she actually used it against me. As if she's so effing perfect.
I hope she never ever gets married, seriously.
She can go back to Philippines and grow her crops. I hope they die anyway.
And the cows won't produce milk from her and the pigs will fart in her face.
This is the most disrespectful maid in the whole entire world.

I hate it when people try to discipline me in a gay way.
Why couldn't she just have said, "Um, how about we clean it up TOGETHER after you come back from church?"
I don't know what God is trying to say to me by the way she threatened me but I do know how good God is through this situation because He loves people just like herself, He even gave Jesus up for her.
Maybe God's testing me- He is the Potter and I am the clay; He knows how long I can stay in the kiln through the fire and heat and He'll take me out of it before I crack.
So I shall persevere, clean my room myself and not talk to her in case I lose it.

I'm in Music Ministry again, training as background vocals instead of lead this time round.
I don't know why though, hahaha so I'll probably ask again on Friday.
I really feel at peace with God and I'm just so damn excited just thinking about the ways He's gonna use me to touch lives, to evangelise.
He put me in my school for a reason.
And when He saved me, He was thinking of the other people I was going to touch and save.
I used two F words on Friday. I'm gonna try to hit 0 on Monday.
I'll treat myself to 5 hours of undisturbed art therapy in the Sanctuary :)

Right now it's drizzling.
Belle has all the pictures we took from a picnic cum Fusion day.
I've got blistered feet but who cares- I've haven't jumped this much for joy in revelation of Him setting me free.

Take me deeper in love with You.
I don't care what people may say, Lord- I'm running after You.

For Char-J:
I cried that day about my comprehension marks not because I felt condemned by what Mrs Dass said about me not running the race and giving up, but because You sang those words "No matter what may come my way, I'm running after You." I cried because you kind of told me that yes, this race may be tough but the most important thing at the end of this race is Jesus, and how He honours my struggles. That yes, there may be storms that come- but these storms PASS and the best thing is, He's in it with me, carrying me.
That day I just felt Jesus holding me, loving me, telling me that it was Him I was living for and thank you so much for reminding me, even if it was random of you to sing that but it meant so, so much to me. You're such a blessing :)

L O V E

2009-02-15T17:12:00.006+08:00

★

Last night I talked with Diane over the phone about certain situations.
And she just spoke so much truth into this lil bird brain of mine.
God put me in my school for a reason, and that I have another gift besides my voice.
I never actually had someone tell it to me but hey, this gift is in me and I'm bursting with excitement to see how it glorifies Him in its very own special way.

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov

"In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth." - Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times

Isn't this true, guys.
Isn't this true.
So about that phone call.. it somehow changed everything for me.
God spoke through Diane and I couldn't say no to Him.
I couldn't say no to Him about forcing myself to go for the worship ministry interview just because I have a good voice- I wouldn't be using my gift for Him but for the build-up of my own ego.
I couldn't say no to Him about trying to love- and when I say try, I mean LOVING till I suffer.
LOVING every single one of you, imperfect as you are..
LOVING till I cry into my pillow through this process of refinement.
And I'm just so overwhelmed by the fact that Jesus got hung up on the cross for me.. just because He loves ME in my GAY ways, ME in my FILTHY and UNDESERVING ways.
... me.
So I'm gonna love the most irritating person in the world and if, in a life and death situation, I'd save the one who's the hardest to love than someone who's more favourable.
I can't say I'll be getting there anytime soon but it's a first step- a real, genuine step, not a false one. Not a pretence, not a facade but yeah, yknow, something I can take and look back without regretting.
It's gonna be so worthwhile that rejoicing could mean me jumping into the Singapore River one fine day.
Speaking of the River!
Belle, Char and I spent Valentine's Day together at Clarke Quay: SHOPPING
I'm really satisfied with my buys, especially the O.P.I nail lacquer that I got at a reasonable price.
It's a dark purple which kinda comes off as a shade of midnight electric blue, so both of my favourite colours mixed in one pretty bottle!
A day to remember, it sure is :)

Today I attended New Creation church after Sunday School.
Oh and I bought PINK's new CD at $(THIRTEEN NINETY-FIVE)!!!
The word S-A-L-E slapped me out of my emo reverie as I was sauntering along City Hall and gawd, I'm SO gonna get Kings of Leon.
This week.. ah.. no more gossip for me (a reduction, at least) and no F words.
Pric, no, I don't agree with you that gossip is good- in any way.
Hahaha gossip=gay.
Yes Trinity is confirmed!!!
I'll really miss you guys though.. I swear I'll send you guys letters and stuff.
The internet seems fake to me.
(Then again, I ain't fake on this lil piece of optic-fibre-empowered sanity)
So this week I've been rather quiet except during Chinese and EL/Literature lessons.
I've been in the background, mostly, really.
I haven't been high at the appropriate moments, even.
I'm just taking my time, watching people, watching people make decisions, watching you.. too..
!
So yeah, moving on.. Home, in its most beautiful ways.. has been my sanctuary for the past one year and many more years to come. I love lying nude on my bed in 23 degrees of cold air staring at the ceiling talking to God. It's seriously much better than getting botox for headaches.

2009-02-07T14:56:00.010+08:00

Hello trouble says:
you know i had a dream about you
Hello trouble says:
okay i had alot of very weird dreams last night

Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
woah cool
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
what happened in it

Hello trouble says:
but yours was the ultimate coolest and a dream coem true for youe
Hello trouble says:
*come

Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
what is it belle haha

Hello trouble says:
you lost ALOT of weight, i couldnt even recognise you! we were in church i was sitting down with i think char, cara and a few other people didnt see faces, and then i saw someone walking towards me, and then i was: wait. no omg. it OMGGG haha and then i saw your face! and you went HEY HEY HEY (you know the way we always do?) and then you lifted your tank top, and showed me this SUPER FLAT belly! and i was like OMG LINGGG! i'm so proud!
Hello trouble says:
your belly was SMOOOOOOTH okay! like FLAT AND SMOOTH AND YOUR SKIN COLOUR JUST MADE YOU LOOK FRIGGIN SEXY OKAYY

Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
im laughing like shit
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
HAHAHA IM LAUGHING SOME FREAKING SHIT NOW AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
TANK TOP SOMEMORE? WTF? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hello trouble says:
haha yeahh! it was a sexy dirty brown +green
Hello trouble says:
haha lifted it only to see your belly lah
Hello trouble says:
but ling. really. you looked Fabulous.

Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
IM LAUGHING LIKE CRAP BELLE
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
lol
Loose Lips Sink ships, xx says:
hahah i dunno how to react but laugh

Hello trouble says:
TSKKK

HAHAHAHA I wonder when I'll get that super slim stomach that she described.
And that sexy brown/green tank top she included in there too.
Anyway, Z has new friends on Facebook huh!
He's been "making lemons" and being "kinky" around me.
ana bahebek

Today I'm sick.
I feel like a pelican with fish bones stuck all around the sides of its throat.
All choked up, exactly.
Hey I figured that F&N pupils could be people like Anthony Bourdain (No Reservations) or Nigella (Nigella Express) next time, and they could host a Food Safari or 1000 Places to See Before You Die kinda thing.
My favourite channel is officially Discovery Travel & Living.
Maybe I'll go do something like that when I grow up, a four-in-one goodness channel: Art, Music, Gourmet and Travelling all rolled up on film!

Besides being sick, I've dedicated my entire day to doing my art prep work.
Then I dedicated it to God halfway when I was in the toilet.
I was singing the song Above All when these lyrics hit me: Like a rose / Trampled on the ground / You took the fall / And You thought of me / Above all
These lyrics are my inspiration for my 8 month art project.
I painted a rose and the fashion model.
I think I have a million more thumbnails to complete and I will stop at nothing to have all 12 done by this week.
So far it's 1/4 done so have a good weekend and make sure to realise that Monday is approaching very soon.
Um..
Which sucks.

****
It's Sunday.
I'm going to write a song entitled Blue Morning, inspired by The Curious Case of Benjamin Button!
I watched it today with Ryan, Cara and Lawrence.
Duh, guess who sat next to me.
The movie was really sad and I like the guy who got struck by lightning 7 times.
Cara likes those scenes too!
I was just about to feel entirely for Benjamin Button when Ryan was like "I need to pee."
I don't know what Lawrence was doing. (Perhaps...)
Church was really meaningful because Michelle reminded us how important this verse was:

Treasures in Heaven

Matthew 6:19
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 16:13
13"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

The Cost of Following Jesus

Luke 9:57-58
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."

58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

I felt at peace with everything today.
So I treated myself to a Wrap Around from Diva.
It has 5 uses and it's really pretty :)
I like being a girl.
Don't you?
(Awww guys, you'll get your turn soon)
NOT.
I've got school tomorrow and I'm not afraid to embrace that fact because I finished my math homework all by myself. Which is of course, if you know me, admirable.
On a more serious note..
I thank God for every single thing He has done in my life.
Even if they're scars- they helped me to grow, to get out of my dark shell and rejoice with such freedom that I could never have gotten without His sacrifice.
And I thank God that I get to have Him, all of Him, no matter how undeserving I am of His love.
Lastly.
For Him wanting me to know Him inside out.
I love You forever and always.

2009-01-31T07:49:00.004+08:00

Stealing my mother's Happy Bday lemon cake half nude in the morning is joy.
Drama was pretty cool and next week we're using the stage in the canteen.
So that's even more thrilling!
It's like Sunday night right now so yeah you guys are probably deprived of a whole day of juicy text.
Well this week I've been let in on the subject of humanity and how fragile we all really are.
The way we hurt, the way we let our feelings loose without self-control.
The very moment we wrap our arms around ourselves spinning around with mixed feelings like a psycho and our eyes turn out the other way - don't look anywhere else, just know you're losing it.
No I don't do that but when I was younger I used to spin around till I'd go dizzy and hit my head on the wardrobe knob. Hard.
Maybe I haven't done that for quite awhile to keep my sanity in the boundaries of my home.

I've also kind of decided that I shall let my blog be my personal therapist- which includes me typing down crude, lewd stuff. Then again I'm a Christian, so maybe I'll just tell God all that shiz and save you guys the horror.
Watching P.S. I Love You again at Belle's house was really heartwarming.
I love Z even if he forgot to buy his call card, even if he gets heated up really quick, even if he won't put on purple braces for me, even if he wants 5 babies all the time.
Yes this relationship with him seems like forever because we've been together for over a year now (HA READERS, NOW YOU KNOW I HAVE A 'PARAMOUR' AND HELL I LOVE HIM DEARLY, I CAN'T WAIT TO RAVISH HIM EVERYTIME I SEE HIM') but I know one day it will be torn away from me but it will be for my own good.
My own good yes.

So basically I've gotten new, red spectacles.
The diet plan is so busted but I'm trying again. I'm trying again.
"That's what she says EVERYDAY." - Belle
I really want longer, curlier hair.
Mmm to address Char's latest blog post about beauty.
Well, we all feel better when we know we look gorgeous, don't we? :)
AND THAT OUR BEAUTY ACTUALLY ATTRACTS MEN AND NOT LESBIANS.
Ah any last words, draggy, annoying Ling-o?
Yes. Z and I named my girly rabbit Ashley and Jia waved my purple strapless bra at my tennis-player-same-age-as-me-porno-watcher/wanker-neighbour just fifteen minutes ago.
He's smokin' hot but his eyes are like.
Slits.

If I had to meet someone either dead or alive for dinner,
I'd like to meet Satan please.
And say hello to a lion who keeps roaring but who actually... has no teeth.

This is how we overcome.

2009-01-28T20:13:00.005+08:00

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

2009-01-25T07:48:00.005+08:00

Sephora ♥
23.1.09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARA!
YOU'RE FINALLY SWEET/SEXY/SCANDALOUS/SURREAL SIXTEEN!
You're definitely one very special mama I'll always adore!
Even if you suddenly try to kiss me or something (leaving me very disturbed), I STILL LOVE YOU for who you are.
Pray that God will give you more faith and wisdom when you make decisions, cos I guess life does has its consequences after all.
xx

Cara's birthday party was funfunfun!
We played Blind Man's Bluff at the playground and crap, it was hilarious.
Brent kept screaming PANG SAAAAAI and the French kids were like "what's pundeh?"
Julian even had a conversation with a little French boy.
(Like Goliath talking to David after a war)
Joseph, Brent and Jlow were seriously climbing around almost EVERYWHERE.
Cara, Lawrence, Charmaine and I just stood around laughing.
John and Ryan almost broke the (supposedly) see-saw and goshhhh it was so freaky.
The whole thing kept creaking and they wouldn't stop!
Yeaaah so in the end we got tired of the game and sat on the bench with Ryan serenading on the guitar.
Then I put ice down everyone's back ^^
I love my churchies :)
Church is in like, 7 minutes and my yoghurt and kiwi isn't in my tummy yet!
Lots of love,
Ling xx

2009-01-20T21:30:00.003+08:00

You're so nice and you're so smart,
You're such a good friend, I have to break your heart
I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart
Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart

It stings.
It really does.
We have quiet convictions about some things but somehow they don't make us seem like heroes.
Like believing so, so strongly that you guys are a bunch of mean asses and that we need some sort of deliverance from anyone else in the world than you all.
Because when we finally look to you guys for a teeny bit if sympathy and tact, we tend to sit in a corner munching on cheese, chewy bars and our nails (which are almost gone, now our teeth are getting into our flesh)..
And guess what's the most impactive word, reader!
Say hello to "Alone"! *waves back frantically*

Cara's birthday is on Saturday.
Ron's birthday is today.
I wonder how Israel and Gaza are now.
Obama's declared as President today.
I am waiting for Z to come online because the Internet is cruel to lovers.
I am personally very proud of the figure I sketched today in art class.
I am considering Art school no more, but ACJC.

Hey yknow what.
Sadly, Apathy loves walking around in our friendship circles.
He looks at you with jet black irises.
You expect them to be brimming with light but he just nods, gives a faint smile and walks away.
With his footprints on our bleeding hearts.

Here's something for Nicole, something that I've been wanting to type out ever since I've finished my POA homework which is.. ten minutes ago:
I know how you feel, I know how much you go crazy over this.
But you're my best friend in school and I'll always be here to listen, to hurt with you, to cry? Cos I know we'll both end up laughing anyway, splashing around in the pool like water ballerinas, eating Macs at KAP with Megawatti grins, watching Sleeping Beauty and exclaiming throughout the entire movie, loving Merryweather, eating buttered popcorn on the couch, getting good grades for Math (HAHA) and yeah.. enjoying our days as God's beloved daughters.

I pray you step out of your comfort zone when you think you can't make it; take a risk.
Like Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson!
Because even if you fail taking that chance, God will catch you in His loving arms again!
Step across that line and keep soaring. Keep dreaming. Dreaming big.
Don't go to Neverland, not second star to the right and straight on till morning.
Find the brightest star in your night sky and persevere throughout the journey, till you catch hold of it, till God tells you that is where you belong.
I don't know if this could break my heart or save me..

God bless Belle's family.
God bless Israel.
God bless our Earth and our humanity.

2009-01-13T21:43:00.003+08:00

Woaaah, why do I put myself in these situations? Woaaah, I keep pushing myself even though I can't take it at all..

If I let this heart of mine go, I'd probably be killing myself.
It's been 3 months.
Why haven't I gotten over you?
I can't forget every single thing you've ever said.
Like when you said you have sex appeal.
Or when you said you like to fight.
Or when you told me that your birthday is on the 30th of November.
Just like mine.

Today we had SS.
Our teacher showed us a blue map of Europe, some UN thingo.
I saw Romania and I lit up entirely.
But later I started to wince under my breath.
This.shit.actually.hurts.
It actually leaves a tiny scar on my heart that won't stop bleeding.
It's this tough to forget.
Even if Belle says you have to forget him eventually.
Eventually's a long, long way to go.

Maybe you think I'm 15 and naive and still really young to know about 'earthquakes',
I know 'earthquakes' inside out.

IN FACT I WISH TO HAVE ONE OF MAGNITUDE X10000000 WITH YOU.

Just that one will leave me screaming for more- but yes, one will be good.
Martin says I'll have a part of you when that happens.
I know this is all wishful bullshit thinking but hell, I like it.
Oh jamming was really good.
I sang Decode and it was pretty okay-ish.
I had to save my voice with loads of water during the session.
Oh and we kinda found out that the drummer won't stop playing his drums when we say "WE'RE PLAYING ACOUSTIC NOW."

Sigh.
I remember those pine trees in the winter.
And those men dressed in black on the deck.
And the way you dodged my eye contact under your so-called beanie playfully.
What's worse was the way I started to cry when the bus was halfway across the border.
I kept telling myself that it's gonna turn back.
But no, it never did.
I forgot the way you kissed me on the cheek.
But hell, it was perfect.
I thank God that all that I experienced wasn't a dream.

But how do I feel this good sober?

Wishful thinking.
You guys should try it out sometime.
It's rather cute.
*rolls eyes*

2009-01-05T22:26:00.003+08:00

Oh nono, I'm not a big fan of cute things.
But anything with stars are cool.
I think we're all starting to move on from childish how-dare-you-leave-us-out situations and stepping into different zones.
And guess what, this zone's quite comforting!
Meet Nadhirah, Pricilla and Nicole (the one and only).
I wouldn't be able to be myself in school if not for them, because they relate to me so well in a million ways.
Recently Nicole and I have been left out, really, by a huge group of friends.
Yeah, we talk to them, we hang out with them but they always seem to forget about us.
But it's okay, even if we are somewhat 'set apart', we're in everything together, as well as Nad and Pric!!
So church was cool on Sunday.
Long, pretty green skirts never go out of fashion :)
I won't really go on about Sunday because I felt so, so distressed over what happened then.
Charmaine and I were almost helpless and I was on the brink of tears when I turned away to walk to the bus stop.
"Crikey!"
Oh well.
I'm done packing my bag and super hyped for art class tomorrow.
Didn't have any tuition on today, so I crashed KAP with Nicole and had a 2 hour long meal (Grilled Chicken Foldover) and we happily trotted off to her place!
The aircon, lit up Christmas tree and dimmed spotlights really helped me to destress, as well as the movies.
We watched Sleeping Beauty at first then the CD was really wonky.
The songs are so beautiful. Nicole and I love 'Merryweather', the pudgy blue fairy.
Elle Enchanted really made me laugh, and the buttery popcorn tasted fantastic!
Yeaaah then it was time to go home and hey, The Little Nyonya is over so I guess its back to study mode.

2009-01-03T18:27:00.005+08:00

If you haven't watched Australia, you're crazy.

So today Ron arrived from Brisbane/UK! (I dunno where he's come from but point is that he's back home)
I woke up for a drama rehearsal at school, then I stayed at home for the entire day.
I'm busy building up my art portfolio now; I remembered what Mr Sairi said.
That having good drawing skills requires practice.
So I did just that, I experimented with a few markers and pens but I thought the sketches I made were horrendous (except for a butterfly that I drew) and they went straight into the bin.
I did practice somemore though, I went outside and drew a sketch of a metal rose on the deck.
I probably spent half an hour with my butt all squeezed into that small wooden chair, straining my back and finishing 8/9 of the sketch.
The shading's a teeny bit off but it still looks kinda similar to the real object.
I figured that I'd practice cuz I don't want my standard of sketching to drop any further, and we're having some drawing lessons in art class next week.
"Bring your drawing paper and pencils next week!"
:) So I'm just starting to warm up these rusty fingers so that they'll be able to create beautiful sketches soon!
About the diet plan: Ron told me so many things about it today!
He suggests that I go to Borders to get a diet book to understand it fully so I won't be following it blindly.
We might go get it one of these days at Borders, since he's leaving on Wednesday.
WTF FACT: This diet plan, if used on a long-term basis, could give me kidney stones. WTF!!
So Ron suggests I follow it for 3 months, try out Weight Watchers for 3 months, get a personal trainer for the next 3 months and so on until my body gets used to these good habits.
Also, I shouldn't gobble my food because I block my stomach from sending my brain signals that I'm already full.
It's like a delay of 15 minutes and by that period of time, I would've eaten a horse.
Dad, Mom and Ron are out for dinner now, so I'll probably write notes down to remember and they shall be pasted on The Sanctuary's wall!

So.. *taps fingers*.. there you see me camwhoring!
Hahaha I plan to try out "smokey eyes" when I'm free or when I'm going clubbing some day when I'm older.
I also want to get Revlon's waterproof mascara and glitter eyeliners of different colours and lastly, hot pink eyeshadow!
All this has to be bought with my savings. So till then!
Oh yes, the kiwi is now officially my favourite fruit.
Because it's pretty, sweet, authentic and juicy.
I'm feeling really relaxed today because everything has been going at a cool pace and the weather outside is a miraculous 27 degrees.

Mood: Content
Song: Grace by Simon Webbe
Something no one can deny: I can boil water over Hugh Jackman.
Post script: SCHOOL WAS FREAKIN FABULOUS AND I JUST GOT NEWS THAT THE HOT GUY I'VE BEEN EYEING SINCE LAST YEAR IS IN THE CLASS NEXT TO MINE!

Love, xx
LILZZZ

2009-01-01T08:19:00.010+08:00

I honestly think that my face looks very kissy.
So all of you should kiss me.
(But wipe your mouths first.)

THREADLESS TEE SHIRTS ARE HEREEEEE :D

So hey ho!
Photos at the top are from yesterday night at our churchies party at Gerald's house!
The food was simply fantastic and yeah, Lynette Sim is hilarious.

Gerald: "Eh Lyn, you going?"
Lyn: "Do I look like I have a choice?!" *turns around and does finger-circling-her-face action*

Belle and I were like WO-AAAAAAH. Now we know how cool Lyn can get!
So Char CAMEEEEEE and told us something really funny like, "I want to watch the sea."
(Inside joke, it's not funny if someone says she wants to watch the sea so get to my level already- just joking OK, bu yao sheng qi)
We were laughing like a bunch of crazy women at our own private table.
Then we went upstairs *trots off* to take jump shots at the balcony with LING'S CAMERAH.
There's one in which Belle looks like a freaking pontianak.
I zoomed in and Cara and I were like *shivers*.
So apart from that, we also got to indulge in melted marshmallow madness, clean-Ling's-shirt-maid-business, unglam picture taking, playing with Cara's massive camera, posing for Rachel, playing Ryan's electric guitar, watching John and Jer battle each other against Taboo, watching The Little Nyonya and getting very angry at annoying/evil characters, going for Watch Night service at church and storming off from Barker all the way to Serene Centre. Like, literally walking all the way.
Yeah about that, I wanted to blame someone for not letting us take a bus or a cab, or for even promising a lift home (it being not so late) but in the end, I guess I only had myself to blame. No I didn't blow up, I just walked straight on because I needed to think and cool off. I was worrying. "Shoot what if I get home super late and I'm still this sweaty! I won't even dare to bathe when no one is awake with me.."

And, God really does turn things around. My dad came to Serene Centre to pick me up at 2 in the morning and even waited for me to finish my shower.
In the shower I was crying when I realised what my Dad just did.
Like, some parents' kids don't even call or bother about their existence.
All because of my foolishness, he actually kind of made a small sacrifice (his left eye isn't working so well and for his age, he should be getting sufficient sleep and not waking up to pick a fool like myself up) and when I was sitting up in bed last night before climbing in, the Holy Spirit reminded me, "If your earthly father can love you this much, how much more does God!"
I thanked God so much for my dad and at the same time, my Mom.
So I sent them both SMSes, telling them I loved them very much and that I was sorry for hurting them.
I heard the SMS being sent to my dad's phone in the next room and I slept well last night.
At Watch Night service, I knew God wanted to tell me something.

"We only see the problem, and we tend to forget that He is behind the problem, that He is the provision (that means he provides for us)."

It really proved to me last night that I was so blinded by the problem. But guess what, He opened my eyes to tell me, "Hey Ling, I'm here for you in 2009, I was there for you all 15 years of your life and I'll be with you forever."
I'm glad that I went for Watch Night to start off the year with God on my side instead of some crazy club or wild party with the World. I saw the multitude of people (especially our BRMC youth) there and I was really glad I went. Because, probably for once, I took God seriously.

I'd be nothing for You, Lord. Nothing. I surrender.
I'd be brought low for You, I'd be labeled as a "crazy christian" for You.
I'm a fool for You, and I've never felt any smarter :) :)

Have an awesome New Year, guys!

Note of the day: The greater the challenge, the greater the provision. GO JESUSSSS!

2008-12-23T22:06:00.012+08:00

♥

I know.
I know.
I haven't been blogging for BAH! a loooonngg loooonnngggg time!

I've realised that I've been out with my churchies too much, and so little (actually none at all) with people from school. Nah it's not a bad thing but it's a pity, isn't it. poof. So anyway, presenting J-low's horrendous camwhoring! His face keeps transforming, first it's a leprechaun then a llama with a very distinctive tongue. *mumbles and walks away*
So yeah, Christmas shopping has been a success, even if I haven't bought my last two presents for two very important people. Christmas cards are almost done, crushed peppermint candy canes and hot chocolate powder have been mixed and Twilight has been watched.
I don't think it was a very bad flop, coz some parts were hilarious. All that matters was that Belle and I had pretty good laughs throughout!
Sooo it's 7.19 AM on a very rainy Christmas Eve here now. I'm talking with you-know-who and getting quite freaked by the number of messages his phone has received from mine. I must ring Starhub. Today I have art at 8 AM, TLL class at 11.30 AM, Christmas wrapping to do, Christmas cards to send through snail mail and to buy my last 2/3 presents. I don't know what I'm going to for the Christmas countdown. Angel has invited me to some massive countdown at Orchard but I feel weird. Like, I've never done it before and I don't feel so keen anyway. People running around with sprays and attacking other people. I really hate the smell of aerosol cans.
Maybe I'll just stay at home with Johnna and watch a Christmas movie on TV.
Why are people so eager to grow up anyway.

2008-12-13T07:14:00.026+08:00

I know. I know. *shhhh* (blush)

Pics of my birthday, Joseph playin DDR, getting a pretty manicure, crashing Novena with Char and Belle and lastly.. a date with the living dead :)
I love the 2nd last photo especially, I honestly think Charmaine looks super lovable!
Yeah so anyway, I really had an awesome lunch with Char and Belle yesterday.
Belle had this sugar rush after some coke at Jack's Place and. uh. she got gay.
Char and I were like quite stunned for a moment. Like, flabbergasted. Stupefied. O.O
I honestly love my girlfriends to the core. They're the best kinda friends I can ever get.
(NOT EXCLUDING ANGEL!!!)

I told Char - I know its possible to get a super slim stomach after this rapid fat loss programme, but what if I turn bitchy?
Char said - I'll tell you that "Ling, you're getting bitchy" but you can't get mad. I'll be here to tell you that k?

:) :) You don't know how much that meant to me, thanks a million me luvs! :) :)
So I haven't been out with Angel recently, cos I guess she's busy with loads of stuff.
But it's not as if we're drifting apart, so that's really cool for the both of us.
Our hearts beat as one! (Okay lah, we're not Siamese twins kay)
So this morning I woke up at 6.40 because I was thinking about ghosts.
Then I went downstairs to the kitchen and gobbled down a mandarin orange.
Joel Lee and I have been chatting on MSN, basically about really funny personal issues!
Eh guess what, reader, my Dad took pink watercolour from me to add colour to some wood carving of a flower in our home. (WTH?!)
See. Life's cute. Hahaha.
Oh and I'm going out to watch a movie with David Kwan.
Because fishing is too gay to be true.

I AM MISSING MANY GOSSIP GIRL EPISODES.
BELLE, NOW I'M MISSING YOU TOO.